We are Phamily
by fitzdillore22
Summary: Dan and Phil want to start a real family, the only problem is: they need a womb. The POVs go back and forth. From the newbie mother, to the preparing Phil, to the panicking Dan. It is an extensional crisis waiting to happen. KickthePJ is introduced in chapter 12. I write in short bursts (POVs), that's why there are so many chapters. Easy, quick passages to write, as well as read.
1. Chapter 1

"Hello, I'm Jennifer and I will be the carrier for your spawn over the next nine months." I mutter to myself holding out my hand to no one. I put my hand in my lap next to my other, looked down at them then at the clock on the office wall again. This was so hard, waiting for a British couple to come in and decide if I am fit enough to bare them their children.

I had applied as a surrogate mother a month ago and was shocked to receive a call a week ago, saying a gay couple wished to meet me. Finally after counting three thousand specks on the ceiling tiles, the couple, a lawyer and a doctor came in. I rose out of politeness and stuck out my hand awkwardly.

"Hello, I'm Jennifer and I-" I froze, surely my eyes were playing tricks on me. For there before me stood thirty-five year old Phil Lester and thirty-one year old Dan Howell. Phil looked more mature in the dark blue suit that he sported while Dan looked less so in the water-colored designer blazer and matching pants. Dan had small traces of a goatee beginning to form while Phil was clean shaven. I now stared at the two men that I had once shipped with my mouth agape. "You're Dan and Phil." I squeak, they both start chuckling at my reaction.

"Yes, yes we are." Phil smiled taking my hand and shaking it. Dan grinned and did the same.

"Hello." Dan muttered, he looked a little uncomfortable, but so was I. Which caused me not to pay it too much attention to his awkwardness, because I was focusing too hard on my own.

"I can't believe it." I giggled, jumping up and down from excitement. "When they said Daniel and Phillip Howlter, I didn't think in a million years that they meant—" I suddenly realized that this was not going well for a first impression at being a segregate mother. I put on my professional face then sat down quietly. "Sorry for my outbrust, shall we begin?" Phil laughed at the sudden change from fangirling to being proper, while Dan looked mildly confused and humored at the same time. The rest of the group's reactions didn't matter to me, but I still blushed at my behavior.

"Yes..." The lawyer drawled in a snotty kind of way. He actually looked like any snotty lawyer would. Expensive suit, cuff links made out of gold, slicked back hair and an attitude that informed everyone that they were peasants. He continued the motion of pulling out papers from his briefcase as he spoke. "The Mister Howlters wish to let it be known first and for most that you are more than welcome to be apart of their family." Phil smiled at Dan before taking his hand, Dan looked up and smiled at Phil's loving gaze. I tried my best not to pull out my phone, take pictures, and post them on the internet with the hash tag phan is real! It was an old urge but it was still strong as ever.

As we finally finished up with the legal details, I began to wonder if Dan and Phil thought I was the best candidate. It must have shown on my face, because Phil spoke up.

"Jennifer, are you sure you want to do this?" He asked, the room when silent.

"Yes," I said finally, "but are you sure you want me to be your surrogate?" Phil froze then a warm smile broke forth.

"I have never been more sure about anything else." He grinned then got up and gave me a reassuring hug. "Well," he turned back to Dan. "Almost anything." He held out his hand and Dan grabbed it before joining the hug.

"Damn it." I whispered as tears began to leak out and down my face. I pulled out a tissue and sat down as the lawyer spoke up.

"Do we all agree on the arrangements?" He asked checking his watch yet again. You could tell he was either needed somewhere else or wanted to be somewhere else.

"Yes." Phil, Dan, and I echoed almost as a chorus. We signed the contract and the lawyer left quickly after.

"My daughter's soccer game is in ten minutes." He explained as he walked out the door.

"Tell her good luck." Phil called after him but the door had already shut behind him.

Now it was just us and the doctor. She was an Indian woman with her long black hair pulled back into a tight bun.

"I am Nadia, your womb specialist and pediatrician." She shook all of our hands. She then went to laborious detail about what she would be doing on our journey to bring another being into the world, at least that's what she called it. I tried to keep listening but after she went in to too depth of detail about the woman's vagina and what it would go through...

"Excuse me I need to use the restroom." I smiled then left, thankful for an excuse to leave for awhile. I tried not to vomit as I sat in the stall. I splashed water on my face before I left the restroom, in an attempt to clam myself. I was walking past the vending machines when I noticed Dan.

He was standing in front of the machines, looking but not looking as I noticed, drawing closer.

"Dan?" I asked and he jumped a little.

"Oh hi." He mumbled then really began to look at the selection the machines offered. "What no Malteasers?" He groaned then returned the black, leathery wallet into his pocket before turning away again.

"Wait." I told him, he turned back and looked at me. "Were you having an extensional crisis just now?" I whispered. He laughed at the old term but then grew salmon.

"Maybe." He admitted. "It's just, everything is moving so fast. I feel like I'm on a roller coaster and I can't get off and we're all coming up to the loops when all I want to do is just get off." He was beginning to hyperventilate. I hugged him because, when I had my panic attacks, that was all I wanted. He quickly calmed down then thanked me gratefully.

"Dan, if you ever feel this way again, tell me. I understand why you can't tell Phil how you feel,"

"It would break his heart." He interrupted.

"However, I informed him, "you can not not tell anyone about these feelings. These are the kind of feelings that need to be shared." I was pretty much quoting my therapist from freshman year, I realized just then.

"Okay I will." He promised.

Once Nadia had finished telling us everything, we all exchanged numbers.

"When do we do this?" I asked motioning to Dan, Phil and around where I imagined my awaiting womb was.

"First we need to run some tests on you." Nadia informed me. I scheduled for all my tests the following week, just to get them out of the way.

"Congratulations guys, see you next week Jennifer." Nadia smiled before leaving the three of us completely alone.

"Can't wait to present you with your future spawn." I smiled holding out my hand. Dan chuckled at this but Phil went in for another hug.

"Thank you so much." He choked out a sob which caused my eyes to water up as I enclosed my arms around his bent abdomen. Dan joined in, in effort to comfort us crying goons. We exited the clinic together. I felt so happy and light because I was giving my two favorite heroes, and the heroes of countless others, the give of life.

Over and over Phil thanked me while Dan nodded along, concealing the extensional fear inside.

As we went our separate ways, I knew deep down it would all work out...

Wouldn't it?


	2. Chapter 2

After a week of tests, it all came down to this. I thought about buying flowers for Jennifer for the occasion, but Dan suggested not to weird her out. I made a mental note to buy flowers for her when she got pregnant. Dan however didn't fight the idea about a card. I made a card and addressed it from Dan and me because Dan was in the toilet and I couldn't wait to put it in the envelope and write her name on top.

We made it to the clinic only ten minutes late but that was okay cause Jennifer was late too. She was just getting dressed when we arrived. She came out in the white dressing gown and looked scared. I smiled and hugged her then gave her the card.

"Oh, you really didn't have to." She insisted in her American accent as she careful opened the envelope, making sure not to damage it for later posterity. She read the card and hugged us both again before Nadia cleared her throat.

"Not to interrupt but we close in an hour." She smiled but she just came off as rude. We all sat down and she explained that since Dan and I already donated some of our sperm, she just needed to retrieve some of Jennifer's eggs.

"But why can't you just put our sperm... Ya know." I tired to motion with my hands but Dan stopped me. I was grateful because I had felt the awkwardness creeping up.

"We need to make sure they are fertilized." Nadia explained calmly. "Remember, we only have one shot at this." Jennifer looked a little panicked at hearing this news. "Don't worry." Nadia placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder. She lead Jennifer back into another room, leaving me and Dan to wonder.

"What kind of tools do you think they have back there?" Dan whispered as I began to count the specks on the ceiling tile.

"Dan, I don't want to think about that." I moaned disgustedly. But my mind wandered anyways as I hit seventy-eight specks. Did they have some kind of vacuum that sucks up the eggs? Hundred and four. How small was the birth area anyways? Two hundred and fifty-nine. Did a baby really come out of there? Three hundred and thirty. When I hit seven hundred and ninety-two, the door opened. Dan and I both stood up.

"It's going to be an overnight process, Mr. Howlters. But I have a good feeling about these eggs." Nadia wrapped an arm around Jennifer's shoulders who looked extremely uncomfortable. I felt bad for her.

"Hey," I asked tapping her arm before she went to change as Nadia started packing up. "Do you want to go out for dinner? Our treat." I ignored Dan's elbow wedges as Jennifer looked unsure.

"I don't know, I had a pretty exhausting day. What with work and getting my eggs scrapped out of my uterus." I giggled but I could almost felt Dan dry heavy as I pressed on. "Come on, it'll be fun." She smiled then desired.

"Alright, let me get dressed first though." She opened and shut the door then Dan went into a whispered furry.

"What the hell was that? 'Do you want to go out for dinner?'"

"She is giving us our future baby, Daniel." I argued back in the same hushed tone. "Plus, after have that done, I would be flattered someone would take me out to dinner." Dan looked me an are you serious look.

"Flattered, really?"

"It's a nice thing to do okay?" I finished as she came back out in a waitress outfit.

"Where to?" She asked but before I could answer, she added "Anywhere but Rickie's Tavern."

"You work at Rickie's?" I asked amazed slightly. For they had the best fish and chips a tavern could offer at a good price, not to mention they are well known for their customer service.

"Yeah, it's not much but it's nice." She said nonchalantly as we exited the building. We all agreed on the local diner. Jennifer mentioned it reminded her of 'the better America' "You know," She explained on the way there. "The America before everything went to shit."

We all enjoyed our burgers, malts and chips as the night went on. I even caught Dan laughing. Lately, his laughs never touched his eyes. But those couple of hours proved to me that the Dan I fell in love with was still in there. I knew something was going on with Dan, I just didn't know what.

We got back to the house around ten-thirty.

"That was fun wasn't it?" I asked Dan to see if he was still with me or not.

"That was." He stated simply. I hide my disappointment well. He was gone, but maybe I could pull him out again.

I crept around the kitchen's island and placed my hands around Dan's waist.

"Phil..." He seemed annoyed and tried to push me off but I moved around the push and clamped my mouth to his. He didn't fight my tongue very much as it explored his mouth. He even pawed back playfully, which made me smile. I pushed my body into his and he responded back with a fervent vengeance. As his arms coiled around my chest, my fingers intertwined with his hair. Yes, this is my Daniel. I thought greedily as we moved away from the kitchen and towards the bedroom, leaving a trail of clothing in our wake. I pushed Dan down onto the bed the only thing between me and him was our boxers. His a solid black, mine a rainbow of tie die.

"Ready for me?" I asked cheekily as I walked closer to the bed. He nodded like he had when I asked him the first time we did it. Scared but excited. I straddled him after coaxing his boxers down far enough for me to see the show. I pulled off my own and threw them carelessly away. "Are you sure?" I whispered in his ear, sending shivers down his spine. I felt the goosebumps underneath me which caused the same effect on me. They rose then fell like a wave, it felt wonderful. I bit his neck in excitement and he pulled me closer into him.

"Fuck me." He whispered.

"Don't worry," I pulled away from the love bite with a satisfied smack. "I plan to." I reached across him to try to grab the lube, when I realized with horror that it wasn't there at all. "Dan, where's the lubricate?" I used the full name to turn him on even more. I felt my effect immediately.

"We ran out remember?" He moaned. "Let's just try without it for once." He begged pulling me into him even closer, managing to wrap his legs around my waist. I remembered suddenly that I had bought more yesterday.

"Wait here." I ordered him. I pried myself away from him and ran to the still not put away grocery bags. I found it then hurried back, but I could already tell from standing in the darkened doorway that he was gone. He just was staring at the ceiling, sprawled out, naked. I sighed and hide my disappointment again but it was so hard to now knowing I was so close to having one real night with the real Dan. This Dan was sulky and it didn't mean anything to him, besides a cheap thrill. But to the real Dan, it was the best way to express just how much we mean to each other as best friends and as husbands. He glanced over at me and asked nonchalantly

"Are we still doing it then?" I closed my eyes, blinked away the tears as I answered with a nod and entered the bedroom shutting the door behind me quietly.


	3. Chapter 3

I awoke the next morning with sunlight pouring into the room. I glanced around dazed slightly then managed to swing my legs over the edge of the bed and move towards the bathroom. I smiled as the urine flowed out of me, it was a good morning pee. I sighed, wiped, flushed, washed my hands and looked at the clock behind me. It was elven in the morning.

"Fuck." I whispered to myself. My shift had started two hours ago. I fled out of the bathroom and grasped at my phone by my bed. "Oh no." That was when I noticed that all the sounds on my phone were off, even alarms. I also saw the atrocious amount of messages and calls I had received. I hit voice mail and listened to my messages while trying to pull on my uniform.

"Jennifer? This is Rickie, your boss. Listen, if you're not down here in twenty minutes, don't bother coming back." he growled before hanging up. That call happened an hour ago. I stopped trying to get my uniform on and sat on the bed, defeated and half dressed. Oh well, I thought to myself. I knew I wouldn't get the time off needed for being pregnant anyways but I still wished I hadn't been fired. Then I saw I had two other messages so I played them as I feel back into the still warm sheets.

"Jennifer this is Nadia, Dan and Phil have agreed to meet at one o'clock so if you could just call me back to confirm you are coming, that would be great. Goodbye." I nodded then made a metal note to call her back as my next message began to play.

"Hey Jennifer it's Phil, I just wondered if you wanted to hang out before or after we go to the clinic. I have off today but Dan had to work. Ya know, to earn time off later for the baby and stuff. Right, so call me back, Bye!" I internally geeked out that Amazing Phil had called me of all people to hang out today. I looked at the clock again, only ten fifteen. I called Nadia back and confirmed the time for the procedure before calling Phil.

"Hello?" He asked like anyone would.

"Hi, it's Jennifer." I responded back.

"Hi Jennifer!" I grinned at his enthusiasm. "So do you still want to hang out? I'm still free." He sounded so hopeful, even if I did have prior engagements, I would have said yes.

"There is nothing I'd rather do." I promised. We agreed to meet up at the Cat Cafe.

I entered the cafe and was greeted by a cheerful young woman that instructed me to not pick up the cats but if they came to my table I was allowed to pet them. I thought that was a little odd but ignored it as Phil waved me to come over.

"Hey, sorry I'm late." I smiled, setting my bag on the table and sitting down myself.

"Don't be, I'm just always early." He smiled then let the smile fall growing serious. "Jennifer, I know we haven't known each other very long, but I just wanted to say how much I appreciate and admire you for doing what you're doing for Dan and me." I felt the tears building up behind my eyes at the sweetness and truth behind Phil's own eyes.

"Phil, you don't have to-" He held up his hand and I shut up.

"I have been trying hard to think of some way to thank you in the right way." I shook my head, tears beginning to spill over. "Then I remembered you were a fan so," He turned and picked up a bag then slid it over to me. "I hope this is means as much to you as this act of kindness means to me- and Dan." He added as an after thought. I placed my shaking hands into the bag felt something soft then pulled it out shakily. I began sobbing as the little stuffed lion poked its head out of the bag. Phil smiled softly as I managed a 'thank you'. "That's not all." He grinned, reaching into the bag with his own hand, and pulling out a worn lama hat. I shot up and hugged Phil, who more or less held me up as the strength left me.

"Thank you so much Phil. I will do anything and everything in my power to give you your child, I promise." I sobbed into Phil's abdomen and looked up at him with snot dribbling down my face, feeling like a child myself. His arms encircled me and held me like I had wanted so badly, so long ago. I'm sure we looked crazy to the crazy cat people and insane to the cats lying around the cafe. We both chuckled at the awkwardness then ordered our tea and cookies. We laughed and talked about what had been happening in our lives worth telling about. For me, I explained why I had spent my life savings on moving to Britain because I was so certain that I would find out who I really was a continent away from my family's drama. For him, he talked about his new married life and how they had incorporated it into their new videos.

"I honestly don't know if we'll continue making these videos after the baby is born though." Phil confessed finishing up his cooled tea. I placed my cup in its saucer and stopped petting the cat that had befriended me.

"Phil, you have no idea how nice it is to see you and Dan making videos. If you stop making them, the fans will flip out!" I was shocked at my own reaction and blushed when he looked shocked at me.

"I wasn't really thinking about the fans, I was thinking about moving on with my life." Phil said quietly.

"But the fans have supported you through everything." Then a horrifying thought occurred to me. "What about the Phandom? Phil, they have been waiting for this part of your lives for so long."

"And do you know how terrifying that is?" He flared up causing the cat to hiss before running away to a more calm table. We sat there as his blood pressure reseeded and I was able to speak again. My phone alerted me that we needed to get to the clinic in fifteen minutes to make it to our appointment on time.

"I may not know how terrifying it is," I rose to my feet and placed the right amount for a tip on the table. "But I do know what it's like to be a fan and how nice it is to see your face every week." I turned and walked out into the street. I hailed a taxi, just as I was about to get in, Phil grabbed my arm.

"May I?" He inquired. I was still angry but let him squeeze next to me and let him tell the taxi driver where we were going. "You forgot this." He added, showing me his gift bag as the cab moved forwards.

"Thanks." I muttered again grabbing it and letting it rest in my lap.

"I'm sorry I made you angry and I will talk to Dan about the videos. I was just trying to move on will my life." He concluded

"But Phil without the fans, you wouldn't be here today." I countered. He stared at me and seemed almost surprised at how true my words were.

"I will talk to Dan." He repeated as the taxi pulled up into the clinic. We paid the driver then walked in five minutes late.

"It's no big deal." Nadia smiled handing me a dressing grown and pointed to a small white like the one I had changed into the previous day. "Leave your things here, get dressed and we will get this pregnancy on its way." She smiled then left me to do my thing. I was astonished at how confident she was about this whole thing. 'My eggs and their sperm must be very healthy.' I thought in assumption getting undressed and redressed into the unfashionable dressing gown.

Dan, Phil and Nadia were all waiting in the hospital room. Nadia showed me the chair with stirrups to sit in that had a petri dish besides it. In the dish, I assumed were the fertilized eggs that were going to be placed up and into my awaiting womb. I breathed deeply and hopped up in the chair then realized Dan and Phil were still there.

"Are they going to be here when you-" I awkwardly made hand motions intimating the procedure. Dan and Phil looked horrified and shook their heads rapidly.

"No, no." Dan said frantically, laughing nervously.

"We just wanted to say good luck." Phil smiled and rubbed my shoulder in an attempt to calm me, which didn't work at all. But it was still oddly comforting.

"Are you ready?" Nadia asked. I looked at the dish.

"Could I have a minute alone?" I asked not looking away from the dish.

"Sure." Nadia smiled then motioned for Dan and Phil to exit with her.

"Thanks again." Phil smiled before leaving.

"Make sure you hold them in." Dan added awkwardly, in hopes to provide comfort but failing epically. I smiled and watched the door shut behind them then turned back to the dish. I had seen Phoebe do this on Friends, and it had worked. Sure it was a television show from the nineties, but I still had hope.

"Hi there little eggies." I whispered. "Okay that was weird, but I just wanted to ask you guys something." I took a deep breathe and leaned in before whispering. "Dan and Phil needs this more than you guys can even comprehend right now and you probably can't understand me anyways but please, please hang in tight when you get in there, okay?" I begged the nearly empty dish. "I want to bring them a happiness that the fans have only had a taste of." I was starting to cry. Why was I so freaking emotional lately? I wondered rubbing my eyes to hide the tears. Even if these things didn't understand me, I didn't want them to see me cry like the infant they would turn out to become. "Just please, please hang on and don't let go." Nadia knocked on the door softly and poked her head through the door.

"Ready?" She asked smiling. I wiped my eyes, put my legs up, eyed up the dish again, leaned back then said "I'm ready." But now that I look back, and as Nadia slipped on the gloves and began; I don't any of us we ready for what was going to become of those small eggs in that tiny dish.


	4. Chapter 4

I looked at the clock again. "Do you think it normally takes this long?" I asked Phil with slight worry in my voice. I looked at Phil and he looked surprised. "What?" I asked wondering what the look was for.

"Nothing, I'm sure it's fine." Phil assured me grabbing my hand but I rose to my feet and began to pace.

"Why do you always have to do that?" He seemed angry and annoyed as he rose to his feet too.

"What do you mean?" I asked not stopping the pacing but still watching Phil. He breathed in and let out a long breathe like he was debating if he should say something he knew he would regret later.

"Nothing." He said finally turning away and running his fingers through his hair as he did when he was frustrated.

"You're lying." I pointed out. He suddenly turned and looked furiously at me as he released something that he had obviously been holding onto for a very long time:

"DO you even love me anymore?" He nearly screamed then smacked his hand to his mouth, muttered a 'Sorry.' between his fingers and turned to leave. I launched myself across the room and grabbed his arm gentley.

"Why would you ever think I didn't love you anymore?" I asked tearing up at the thought of Phil ever thinking or fearing I didn't love him any longer. He swallowed then whispered

"Because I don't even recognize you and if feels like you don't want to be apart of this," He gestured to the closed door then at himself "Anymore." I pulled him away from the door gentley and into my arms, he seemed unsure, but let me continue the motion. I tried to think of something, anything that would prove to the both of us that I wanted this as much as he did.

Then I realized we were swaying. I didn't know if he had started it of if he did but it felt nice. I remembered something from a distant memory that brought a smile to my face.

"Do you remember the first time I asked you to dance?" I whispered in his ear. I felt him smile as he pressed his face into my shoulder, just like he had done so long ago.

It had only been a week when we had offically started dating and we were invited to a stuffy BBC Ball thing. We had only agreed to go because our heating was out, we would get paid to do interviews, and free food. Phil had looked so dashing in his tux it had made me want to tell the world. I would have said 'See that beautiful, handsome, amazing man right there; yeah, I'm dating him!' I probably would have too, if Phil had begged me not to do anyhting stupid before we left. When the music swelled and the drinks were finally hitting me, I had risen from my chair, bent to Phil and asked "May I have this dance?" He had blushed said I was being stupid but agreed after our table practically pushed us onto the dance floor.

"Dan," Phil had whispered as I pulled him closer than nesscaray "People are staring."

"I would be too, if I was as handsome as you are right now." I had replied that's when he had smiled into my shoulder and we danced the night away. Not to mention the amazing morning after where we did nothing all day except enjoy each other's company.

The door opening caused us both to part and look up. Nadia was smiling and Jennifer looked a little shaken but fine as a whole.

"They're in there." Nadia gave a thumbs up. We both smiled but I wasn't sure if was because of the akwardness or happiness.

"Cool." I replied giving her a good thumbing back as Jennifer slipped out of the room to change.

"How long does it take to find out if it worked or not?" Phil asked curiously but I could still see the fear of it not working at all. Nadia gave him a reassuring smile and a pat on the shoulder like I had done in the countless videos when I was still getting the courage to ask Phil out.

"It will take at least fourteen days to know for sure." Nadia gave a sad smile at Phil's impatientness.

"Fourteen days?" Phil asked, agast.

"It takes time Mr. Howell-Lester, I'm sorry." That's went Jennifer joined our little converstation but Nadia continued as if nothing happened at all. "The best I can do is write you a perscription for a home pergnancy test." That's when she turned to Jennifer and placed her hand on Jennifer's shoulder like Phil's asked "Would that be okay?" It seemed like Nadia was a parent seeing if she and Jennifer could reach an agreement on something trivial. 'We can't get ice cream now but we can get some when we get home. Would that be okay?' My mind played out the scene as Jennifer nodded and Nadia gave her the note to give to the pharmacy.

We all exited the clinic in slience. Phil and I holding each other's hand, while Jennifer clung to a bag holding the one way we could find out it we would get a family after all. Jennifer seemed wide eyed and scared so I wrapped an arm around her shoulders like a scarf then said

"It'll be okay." And for once in a very, very long time I actually thought it was true.


	5. Chapter 5

The days past with a surprisingly slow rate. I was going mad. When I wasn't working or thinking of new ideas for videos, I was cleaning. It was my way to reveal stress and anxiety. Dan let me clean where I pleased but asked me not to go in his office and he promised he would clean it up when I had finished every room in the house. I left him be and went about my days cleaning, recording, editing, and working in general just waiting for the fourteen days to end so we could find out at last if we could have a family together.

I was cleaning the kitchen floor when the house phone rang. I groaned, dropped the rag into the bucket and tip toed around where I had cleaned to reach the phone just before the last ring.

"Hello?" I asked not seeing the number in time.

"Hey Phil, it's Jennifer." I checked the nearby calendar, only five days had past so there was no way it could be a call about the pregnancy or lack there of. "Phil?" She asked to see if I was still there.

"Yeah, hi, what's up?" I felt so disorganized and out of it. I heard a smile in her voice as she continued.

"Well, I was wondering if you are up to anything right now because I could fancy a stroll or a cup of tea and a chat or something. Anything really, I just feel really lonely right now." I then had a glimpse of just how far America was to this girl on the other end of the phone. She had no family here, it didn't seem like any good friends and now sperm inside of her that could turn into a baby she wouldn't get to keep at the end of nine months. America was very far away indeed.

"Yeah I could go for a walk, it's beautiful out right now anyways." I pulled back a nearby curtain to reveal a cloudy but still blue sky.

"Great," She sounded relieved and happy. "See you at the park." She smiled after we ironed out the details.

"See you there. Bye." I waved while still clinging onto the phone

"Bye." She grinned before hanging up. I did the same then went and cleaned up my supplies. I made it to the park ten minutes ahead of schedule but she was already waiting, looking at the nearby playground set where children played and parents somewhat relaxed. She was smiling at them lovingly as if they were her own. I thought sadly about the future when she would give us the life she obviously so craved when she noticed me and came towards me.

"Hey Phil." She smiled but it vanished when she saw my face clearly. "What's wrong?" She questioned, I wasn't going to tell her but something else slipped out instead.

"What will you do after the baby comes?" She looked startled a little. "Hypothetically, if there is a baby to come..." I continued as we began walking down one of the many paths in the park.

"Hypothetically," She repeated the word considering it, tasting it in her mouth, checking the depth of the question itself. "I will give you the greatest gift to give and then move on with my life." She finished. We continued walking with our hands in our pockets talking about an unsure future like it wasn't killing either of us.

"Really? You won't be mad or upset?" I kept prodding to see if it was true or not.

"Phil, what am I going to do with a baby?" She asked in reply. "I can't even take care of myself much less a baby."

"What do you mean?" I inquired, she stopped and took in a deep breathe. I had stepped on a nerve, I could tell but she continued on as if nothing had happened.

"I mean, I lost my job in a country I have always wanted to be my whole life and now I'm renting my womb out to the two people who convinced me to move here in the first place." She blurted, after hearing these words for the first time and admitting them out loud was too much for her to bear. She found the nearest park bench and cried.

I was at a lost for words as the tears slipped from her face and fell down. By now, the sky was very overcast and all the children were told by the parents to go home, in fear of getting rained on. When I finally sat down next to her out of the lack of strength my legs had, it began to rain. Jennifer laughed dishearteningly as the rain moisten her hair while her tears wetting her face and hands.

"The icing on the cake!" She yelled at the sky who rumbled back in response. Even looking back now, even after she was done giving birth, this was the most broken moment I had ever seen her. The rain falling, her hair wet, tears streaming down her face while she yelled at the sky, this was the hardest moment for her in her life and I felt like an unworthy witness to this, her shattering moment. But even so, I was still her friend and her companion. I gave her a sad smile, opening the umbrella I had thought to bring along, held it overhead, wrapped a long arm around her normal sized shoulders with no effort and waited. She cried into my shoulder until there were only sniffles left in her and she rested her weary head against my now moist shoulder.

"Sorry." She mumbled stuffy. I pulled out a hankie and handed it to her. "Thanks." She replied and blew her nose loudly before returning it to me.

"Keep it." I prompted, she thanked me again before pocketing it. "If things were so bad to begin with," I started unsure but the rest came out in a rush. "Why didn't you just go back to America when you had earned enough money to?" She laughed humorlessly.

"Return to a country where my family is so messed up that they can't be around each other two minutes without fighting while they judge you more harshly than your worst enemies and don't accept you for who you are? Or friends who say they'll miss you and when you visit they can't find the time to get a cup of coffee? No, I figured since I didn't have anyone at home, why not just stay here?" She sighed sadly.

"Well, you could always look at the brighter side of things." I suggested which made her laugh again.

"Phil, I am the most bright sided person in my entire family." Which surprised me. "No one said I could make it here alone and I'd be back in a month."

"How long has it been?" I asked unsure.

"A year." She said disconnectedly

"Well there you go, you proved them wrong now go back." I chirped before rising off the bench. She followed my lead and we walked arm in arm down the now soggy lane, the raining still beating down from above.

"Why do you want me to go back so badly?" She asked

"Because someone as amazing as you doesn't deserve to be alone." I said quickly. She nodded then laughed. "What?" I laughed back.

"Nothing it's a stupid thought." She brushed the idea away.

"Nothing is stupid, come on what is it?" I prompted, she looked slightly guilty as she looked up and suggested with a hopeful look.

"You could be my new family; you, Dan and the baby, if there is one. And if there isn't, I could try to be helpless so you and Dan could practice or something..." She trailed off as she analyzed my face while I thought about it. Me, Dan and Jennifer, the trio to deal with or Me, Dan and the baby with Jennifer in case of emergencies.

"Aunt Jennifer." I chuckled at the thought but she looked desperate at the thought, wanting it more than anything else in the world.

"Will you please talk to Dan?" she questioned hopefully. I was surprised at this.

"Why do you want to be part of our family? It's so..." I tried to look for the right word. "Damaged." She looked shocked I would choose such a harsh word but it was the best one I could think of. I thought of how far Dan was from himself lately.

"And you want me to give you a child to bring your damaged family closer together?" She wondered out loud while placing a hand softly on her midriff before she ran off into the rain.

"No that's not what I meant!" I called after her, but she and I both knew, it wasn't true. I thought that a baby could bring Dan back to me and was that so bad? To bring the man that I loved back to me through the gift of life? As I ran after Jennifer I realized what this meant to her.

She was giving up her womb to give us a life that we wanted so badly it didn't matter who we hurt in the process. Even if it meant hurting the infant that she wanted for her own.

"I'm sorry!" I called after her. She stopped running to catch her breathe which gave me a chance to catch up to her.

"Promise me something." She growled while we huffed for air.

"Anything." I gasped.

"Promise me you and Dan won't be a broken family. I can't just give you a baby knowing it will be in a broken home." Tears filled her eyes again. "I have been there, Phil. I don't want this baby suffering like I did. I want it to come home and tell its daddies about its day and have Dan helping it with its homework while you cook supper. No nights wondering what its other daddy is doing while the first is in the room over crying about his loneliness. I can't have this baby dealing with that like I did!" She screamed at me. I was completely speechless but managed to hold her together as best I could as she fell apart.

"I promise that this baby won't go through what you went through." My lips promised before my brain could realize what was going on.

"Thank you." She mumbled before rubbing her eyes then a curious look washed over her. "Do you know the nearest sushi bar?" She asked which caused me to look at her with confusion. "I mean I could really go for some sushi right now." We continued to walk down the path then she added. "Maybe some ice cream too."

"You're so random." I laughed as the skies cleared up leaving a rain soaked path before and behind us. But the day was now freshened, all be it dampened; the world was our oyster.

"Do you know if they sell seafood flavored ice cream nearby?" She asked. I shook my head and wrapped an arm around her affectionately to which she smiled and whispered. "Thank you."

"For what?" I inquired.

"For being there." She answered, but I wasn't sure if she was answering for herself or the baby. Either way, I replied with.

"You're welcome."


	6. Chapter 6

The days went by with nothing eventful happening except me freaking out at Phil in the park which had been one of my lowest moments, truth be told. But since then Phil had been offering more and more opportunities to hang out with him and Dan. As elated as I was at these offers, I declined at least half of them because I had been talking to an uneasy Dan in secret ever since the eggs were implanted. The day after that happened, I had received a call from Daniel.

"Jennifer tell me everything will be alright." Was the first thing I heard before I ever got a chance to say hello.

"Dan?" I questioned but he kept going.

"Jennifer listen to me, I need to know that everything will be alright. I can't talk to Phil and you said I could call you anytime so please tell me everything will be alright because I honestly don't know myself if it will be and-"

"Dan!" I erupted hurting both of our ears slightly.

"Bloody hell!" He cursed.

"It will be alright." I stated calmly. "But why the sudden unsureness of everything?" I inquired. He seemed to sound ashamed as he spoke, no doubt with his head declined in a bent position of misfortune and guilt.

"I just think things are moving way to bleeding fast. They told us it would take a very long time to find a good segregate then you came up so quickly and now you might have the fricking sea monkeys growing inside you already. And lately, me and Phil haven't really been," He tried to fine the right words as my heart was slowly breaking realizing how hard it must be for Dan to come to this conclusion. "As in love as we use to be." He finally finished. My heart fell flat in my stomach and sat there.

"Wait Dan, what are you saying, exactly?" I questioned, fearing where this was going.

"Well," Dan drawled. "Maybe Phil and I need a break from each other to realize who we are apart from each other and realize what we both want from this relationship then maybe, we'll figure that we aren't meant to be together at all." I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

"Are you suggesting," My throat caught on the word. "Divorce?" It came out high and squeaky with tears that were building up inside of me.

"Well, possibly." Dan confessed, my world was spinning. The two people who had more love for each other than any fairy tale ending I had ever read, were calling it quits? I couldn't let this play out, never ever.

"Dan, you can't, not when I'm possibly caring your child." I cried stroking where I imagined the baby was growing just then.

"And what are the chances of that actually happening?" He asked of me. My heart sank even lower at his icy words.

"Daniel, if you divorce Phillip, I will personally do everything in my power to make you feel as miserable as Phil will feel, not to mention your fans who have followed after all these years."

"Yeah well, maybe it's time I look out for myself and my feelings." Dan hissed. He was growing angry and so was I.

"You know what, I have to go." I growled back, both of us knowing it was a lie but not saying so. "You stop thinking about divorce and replace it with thoughts of why you married Phil in the first place."

"Really? Is this really any of your business?" He asked coldly.

"Oh, Daniel, you made it my business." I laughed coolly back. "Now, if you still feel the same way about the marriage, then and only then can you even mention it to Phil. However, if I am pergnant then you have to keep your mouth shut about all of this until this baby is all grown up and understands why it is happening and you can explain it to them." I ordered savagely. "Deal?" There were crickets for a long while.

"Fine." He promised. I was able to breathe again, I hadn't realized I was even holding my breath.

"Good, see you around." I muttered into the phone.

"Yep, bye." He replied back before we both hung up. I hit end then fell deeper into my chair and realized I may have just saved the marriage of Dan and Phil single-handed. But I didn't enjoy it for long but I had to rush to the bathroom and hold my own hair back as my stomach forced up its contents. I didn't know if it was from the nerves from the conversation or if I was getting sick but that was the first sign of any pregnancy.

As the days passed by, I got more and more signs that I was indeed pregnant. More morning sickness, weird food cravings that I experienced on my walk with Phil, foods that made me sick just by the smell of them, I was almost always tired, my boobs were so sensitive but the last thing that let me know for sure was that I was several days late for my usually prompt period. I kept in touch with Dan and Phil both separately and together throughout the two weeks but I tried to keep my distance since I freaked out at the park.

On the fourteenth day from when I had got the eggs implanted, I took the pregnancy test out of its kit. I noticed I had to drink a ridiculous amount of liquids before I could even take the test. So I made a gallon of lemonade and water, plus the Sunny D I had bought the day previous and then proceeded to guzzle it all down. Within twenty minutes, I had to pee. Just when I was in position to let loose on the stick, there was a knock at the door. I wasn't sure if I had heard anything but I put down the stick, pulled up my pants and answered the door.

I was shocked to see Dan and Phil standing there with a small bag of what looked like take out and ice cream which made my mouth water immediately.

"Hello." Phil smiled sheepishly then pulled me into a hug.

"H-Hey." I managed to spit out and tried to hide my surprise and shock.

"We had dinner earlier and were in the neighborhood plus, we hadn't heard from you in awhile and we wanted to drop by." Phil continued then both waited to see if I would invite them in.

"Come in." I opened the door wide and let them enter. Dan wasn't really saying much and tried not to look uncomfortable as he set down the take out on the table then pulled out another smaller bag from his pocket.

"Here we also got this for you too." He mumbled and handed me the small bag clumbisly. I didn't get a good grip on it in time and it fell to the floor where its contents were tossed out and flew to tap my foot. "Fuck." Dan mubled as I bent down and picked it up. It was another home pergnancy test. I blushed but not as badly as Dan did. "Right. So um, why don't you uh..." he made an akward hand gesture suggesting I stuck the stick up myself. I went redder then laughed at his ignorance at such an akward subject.

"You don't push it up, Dan." I managed between gasps for air. How in the hell would these two manage to raise a daughter? I thought then instantly took it back. They'd figure it out like they had for everything else life had thrown their way and handle it somewhat gracefully as well. "I have to just pee on it." I finished the explaination, wiping the tears away as Dan and Phil chuckled at they misunderstanding. "I was actually about to use the one that Nadia gave me." I noted then wrapped my arms around myself nervously. Phil smiled and rubbed my shoulder to try to comfort me. It worked somewhat then I headed to the bathroom again. "Since I have to pee like a racehorse, who wants to find out if I'm pregnant?" I asked excitedly and nervously which got them, more like Phil, excited and nervous too.

I shut the door and eyed up the toilet then grabbed the stick already out of the box while placing the one Dan and Phil had given me on the sink's edge. I pulled down my pants and underwear then sat on the toilet's edge.

"It's just you and me now." I muttered to the stick as I got in position. I hadn't realized how long I had been holding it and when I let loose, I let it all out in a grateful flood. _Whoooosshhhh. _"Pee like a racehorse indeed." I laughed to myself at the sound which reminded me of my childhood. But my flood was too great and I lost grip of the little stick. "Fuck." I whispered to myself. Once I had finished, I fished it out of the toilet's depths then looked to see if the stick was processing, which it was. I washed my hands throughly then set the stick in the sink where it had to season before it told me if I was pregnant or not.

I walked out of the bathroom with my phone in hand where a timer was counting down. Dan and Phil both looked up to see me, expectantly.

"I don't know yet." I informed them, showing them the timer in my hand. Dan nodded and went back to staring at his enterlocked fingers while Phil patted the cusion next to him for me to sit. We were all quiet as the timer ticked off the seconds with an agonizing slowness, which was maddening. I knew my take out was getting cold and I hoped someone had thought to put the ice cream into the freezer as the timer let out a pulse and a beep to inform everyone that the time had come. All three of us rose to their feet but I was the one who went back to the bathroom to find out if our futures would be entertwinded as Dan's fingers had been.

Mine were shaking as I reached for the little white stick. I looked in the mirror at the nervous girl behind the glass. She looked scared and unsure but then she smiled and nodded which made me more sure of myself as I raised the stick's proclaimation to my eyesight.


	7. Chapter 7

"It's been forever." I whined as I paced around Jennifer's lounge for the hundredth time.

"Calm down Phil." Dan muttered from his seat where his gaze was glazed over and he looked like he was about to sink into another extensional crisis.

"Dan," He looked up and blinked the blurriness from his eyes. "No matter what it says, I love you." I offered softly. Old Dan would have risen, given me a kiss on my glabella, then whispered 'I love you more'. But Old Dan was hidden today and New Dan was at the wheel. New Dan blinked, smiled, grabbed my arm, pulling me to him then hugged me and said

"I love you too." I sighed and once again hide my disappointment as I stood up and Jennifer rounded the corner. I turned to face her.

"Well?" I asked nervously, making Dan rise to his feet realizing she had returned.

"It wasn't clear." She shook her head then moved into the kitchen where she opened the now room temperature take out and retrieved the ice cream from the freezer.

"What do you mean 'it wasn't clear'?" Dan asked following the both of us into the decent sized, somewhat clean kitchen.

"I mean, after I peed on the stick it fell into the toilet and the stick said negative but it could be a false negative and or it could have been the toilet water messing with it." She explained, pouring the take out and the ice cream onto the deep bowl that had a hand painted Dr. Who design on the sides. "So, I have to drink at least two gallons for the next test." She said thickly around the food in her bulging mouth then placed the bowl down and rummaged in the fridge. "Thanks for the food, by the way. How did you know I wanted this?" She asked pouring out a glass of what looked like lemonade.

"I figured with the seafood ice cream cravings-" I began but Dan interrupted me.

"So what, we have to wait another hour for you to find out if you are carrying our spawn or not?" He looked appalled as we did by his rudeness. Jennifer opened and closed her mouth like a fish before being able to speak and when she did, she sounded like she was on the brinke of tears.

"Well, I didn't think it would be a big deal and we could hang out." Her voice shrank as she finished the thought.

"And that's fine," I promised wrapping an arm around her shoulders and giving her an affectionate squeeze while shooting daggers at Dan telling him to stop being a twat. "Right Daniel?" I asked but the question only had one right answer and everyone knew it. He was about to disagree but he shut his mouth, mumbled fine, then went back into the lounge and sulked while he whipped out his phone to play a game or tweet something. I turned Jennifer towards me and asked if she was okay. She nodded but tears were leaking down her face then she excused herself to the bathroom again. Went she left the kitchen, I did as well then stormed into the lounge. Dan was playing Flappy Bird went I ripped it from his hands.

"What the hell, Phil?" He asked rising to his feet, outraged at the interruption.

"I should ask you the same thing!" I growled, pocking his phone in my back pocket then placing both hands on my hips. "What the hell is wrong with you?" I interrogated him. He was about to yell but then his face crumbled and he sank to the sofa with a look of utter shame and sadness melting into place.

"I don't know anymore." He admitted.

"Yeah well, that makes two of us." I roared, he may not be pissed anymore but that certainly didn't stop me any. He looked up at me with what looked like tears in his eyes.

"What do you mean?" He asked. In that moment he looked like a confused little boy being told that he was now an orphan. I opened my mouth but I now didn't have the heart to tell him how much he had changed since I married him. Instead I sat down next to him and rubbed the back of his hand with my thumb.

"I understand you're nervous about being a dad and all but don't take it out on me or certainly not the woman who has agreed to give us children at her expense." He nodded sniffed loudly and wiped his nose on the back of his arm like the little orphan.

"Yeah that is pretty twaty of me." He admitted.

"Damn straight it is!" I laughed which got him to laugh then he leaned his head on my shoulder and I was reminded of how much older I was compared to him. But I ignored it and wrapped my arm around my husband's shoulders like I had just did to our surrogate mother only minutes before. "I love you, you wanker." I whispered, he chuckled again.

"I love you too, you Phil." He kissed my cheek as we heard a small sniffle behind us. We both turned to see Jennifer using the wall as a shield as she watched us. Tears were not longer running down her face, but they still had left a stale trail in their wake. Dan got up and walked to her she cowered a little, afraid of being yelled at again, but was surprised to receive a hug instead. "I'm sorry, Jennifer. Please forgive me, it's been crazy lately and I was taking it out on you for no reason at all. I'm truly sorry." Jennifer looked very small with Dan bending over to contort his body for the maxim capacity to hug her. She manged to wriggle her arms out and around to Dan's back to hug him back.

"It's fine, Dan." She whispered back. We all knew it wasn't but the moment had past and we all just wanted everything to be okay again so we collectively let it go. They pulled apart and we all congregated back to the kitchen where Jennifer drank and devoured like a meat deprived carnivore.

"So what do you want to do for an hour?" Dan asked the both of us conversationally when she had rinsed out her bowl in the sink.

"I think I have an idea." Her smile was sly as she told us to wait here and she exited, leaving Dan and me alone. We both waited but when nothing happened, I felt we needed to fill the empty space between us with conversation.

"What do you think it is?" I asked, sounding more excited than I actually was. It may have been the real Dan that apologized, but I knew he was gone now.

Dan blinked, looked at me, shrugged then mumbled "I dunno." One of these days, I knew I would erupt. I thought that day had finally come but that was the exact moment Jennifer can around the corner, the smile still on her face as she said

"This way."


	8. Chapter 8

We walked into the lounge to find several Nerf guns spread out on the coffee table along with bags filled with what I amused was bullets.

"This looks like the Hunger Games." I realized with a little groan.

"Come on Dan, it'll be fun." He encouraged, picking up one of the brightly colored toy guns nervously. I then felt a smile ooze onto my face when I spotted the Nerf Bow. It was meant for girls which meant it was pink but pink was cool. "I want to be Katniss." I whined then went to grab my weapon of choice but Jennifer stopped me.

"If this is the Hunger Games, we have to start out in the corners." I then noticed that the room had been cleared in the middle and in the corners free of cludder or anything else that would cause injury. Phil reluctantly put his gun back and moved toward the nearest corner, wanting only that gun.

"Ready?" Jennifer asked when we were in our corners.

"Yes." Phil beamed but he was focused now.

"Yep." I nodded wanting that bow, I licked my lips nervously because of how intense the other two were. Just like the movie Jennifer counted backwards from ten.

"Ten, nine, eight," Her eyes flitted from me to the unblinking Phil, she was so excited like a puppy about to be let out for a walk. "Seven, six, five, four," Phil turned to me winked then turned back to the bow. I felt a funny flutter in my stomach but ignored it as the countdown neared its inevitable end. "Three, two, one, GO!" Jennifer bellowed. We all scrambled towards the center of the room where the guns and bags laid waiting.

I grabbed the bow but it didn't have any ammo. Phil grabbed his huge gun but it too lack ammunition. Jennifer grabbed all the bags before we realized what was happening then ran from the room laugh madly. Phil and I both looked at each other.

"Turuse?" He suggested.

"Truse." I agreed then gave him a quick peck on the mouth before we both charged after Jennifer. "Alright Jennifer, you can't hide forever." I called to her in the kitchen while Phil checked the dining room. I suddenly heard muffled giggles through the wall nearest the bedroom. I motioned for Phil to join me. We agreed the best tactic was for me to charge in, and have Phil grab her before she escaped completely. But went I went to open the door, I found something was shoved up against it... Or someone. I then heard more clearly giggling at sitting height on the other side of the door.

"Jennifer, let us in." Phil called laughing despite himself.

"No!" She giggled even louder and snorted a little at her wit.

"I'm coming in on the count of three." I warned backing up. She laughed maniacally at this. "One, two, three!" I charged at the door, and managed to hook my hand around the knob and throw open the door. But I wasn't expecting absolutely in resistance what so ever and went sprawling onto the floor. I got to my feet but Jennifer was already sprinting out the door. Phil jumped out from around the corner and caught her by the waist. She squealed with laughter and shock.

"No, no, no!" She whined laughing still as we took away the bags and found them bursting with bullets as well as empty water bottles. "I was thirsty." She admitted. Phil had managed to pinned her to the ground then he looked to me for direction.

"What should we do to her cheating treason, Daniel? Poison berries? Boil her in oil? Scalp her? Water torture?" He was teasing but we saw the mock terror in her eyes.

"No I have something much better." I grinned evilly then bent down next to them both. They both have curious faces as I did this then when I moved Jennifer's shirt up to reveal her belly, she squealed and squirmed with renew glee and joy at something she had long forgotten. Phil recognized this too and held down her arms and legs from kicking or getting away. I then placed my mouth just above her belly button then blew in the soft skin with as much mirth as the other two had. The raspberry was as loud as it was wet.

"Gross!" She moaned through her merriment.

"If you thought that was gross, wait until you see this!" Phil chuckled evilly then he took in a tremendous breathe, bent to her stomach and spurted louder than I thought possible. It must have been extremely ticklishly because she attempted to roll away completely while wailing in sheer ticklishly joy. "Stop! Stop, I beg of you!" She was tearing up and crossing her legs beneath her bonds. "I have to pee!" Instantly the tickling stopping and Phil and I shot up off the floor. She stumbled to the bathroom with everything below her waist clenched so not to let any liquid escape.

As she made her way towards the bathroom, I suddenly wondered 'Is this what it's like to have kids? If it is, then I want this kind of fun all the time!' I felt a sudden urge to wrap Phil in my arms like I had so long ago, so I did.

"What's this for?" Phil asked blushing as I hugged him from behind.

"Because I love you so much, you silly Philly." I mumbled rubbing my face into his hair. I managed to find his ear and I nibbled on it a little as I used my other hand to massage the sore spot in his neck that his had had since stress began growing in him. He moaned pleasurable then twisted around to face me.

"Dan, where have you been?" He smiled before kissing me with affectionate aggression. One hand found my neck which deepen the kiss, while the other hand pulled my waistband on my hip away from my body. I was about to do him right there, right then but I heard a small squeak from the bathroom. We both pulled apart confused.

"Jennifer?" I called concerned.

"Are you alright?" Phil asked pulling awhile and reorganizing himself.

"Just-just fine." She informed us unconvincingly. Then she appeared at the corner leading to the bathroom. I flashed my eyes to one of her hands attached to one of her arms crossed over her chest, she was holding a different pregnancy test. Phil grabbed my hand afraid of the answer. I wrapped a protective arm over his shoulders and gave a reassuring squeeze.

"What does it say?" I asked for all of us.

"It's positive." She smiled then began crying out of joy as I pulled Phil into a happy peck on the lips. He was crying too then hugged me before running to Jennifer and giving her a hug too.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" He repeated over and over, the next thank more grateful than the last. I suddenly felt the familiar horrible feeling of an extensional crisis falling in on me but I kept holding the same expression of joy and happiness as Phil leap back into my arms and kissed me like he truly loved me.

What am I saying? He does truly love me. And I truly love him... Right?


	9. Chapter 9

"Thanks for... Everything, Jennifer." I sighed as we left that night.

"Yeah well, don't get your hopes up okay? It still could be a false positive." She warned.

"Yeah okay." I said back but I think everyone knew they were already flying away with plans of shopping and decorating for the new arrival.

"See you at the clinic." She reminded us, she had called and left a message and then requested to see Nadia the next day.

"Yep." Dan agreed, he was holding my hand but waved with his free one. Who was this person beside me? It looked like Dan but he acted like a Dan that I believed long since dead. We continued to walk, neither of us hailing a taxi, just walking.

I had a vivid flashback to a time forgotten when Dan and I had agreed as a New's Years Resolution to go running. We had a few times but then, as resolutions do, it got harder and harder to commit. We then set side agreements: If we ran a mile, we got to hold hands and walk the next mile. If we managed to run a full five miles in a day, we got to have sex. But the first day we ran the full five miles, Dan was a sweaty, panting mess. I tried to wheeze out laughter without lungs as he crawled through the front door, peeling clothes off his body as he went then pulling himself on the bed finally saying 'Alright *wheeze* let's do this.' We had taken a shower on the tiled floor first and regained our strengths just to loose it all again. But we kept that resolution for a very long three months.

"Dan?" I asked now realizing my head was on his shoulder.

"Hmm?" He asked back.

"How far do you think it is to home from here?" I asked, he pulled out his phone with his free hand and asked Siri 3.0.

"It is about 5.6 miles." Siri replied.

"Why do you ask?" He inquired then he saw the smile on my face which caused a smile to creep onto his.

"Remember our New Year's resolution?" I asked. He looked confused at first then a light bulb went on as well as a sly grin.

"Race yeah!" He yelled before taking off at beak neck speeds.

"Hey!" I called ahead to him. "Not fair, cheater!" But it was mock anger and I laughed as best I could as the once familiar taste of blood and lungs crept up at the back of my throat. That night we spend like we used to. Couldn't keep our hands off each other, much less our lips. It was a night that I thought I'd never have again with a man I thought had ceased to exist. But... Here we were.

We arrived at the clinic as Jennifer hopped out of a similar taxi. She got changed as we greeted Nadia in the small room filled with images of babies, born and yet to be. I looked at the wall of successful surrogate families. All the images were filled with family portraits with a singular woman who looked like she didn't belong, she was uncomfortable or both.

"Nadia?"

"Yes?" She recognized her name.

"Do surrogates ever become part of the family?" I asked looking towards her. She looked, for a moment shocked and stumbled by the question but she regained her composure.

"It all depends on the families." She answered simply. "I had one incidence where the surrogate refused to give up the baby and tried to run away with it after she had given birth." I was shocked but she just shrugged. "Some mothers have a strong maternal bond, sometimes stronger than reason."

"What happened to the mother?" Dan asked unsure if he even wanted the answer.

"She is serving time for attempted kid napping." Nadia answered with no pity on her face.

"Great story." A voice called from the doorway. We all saw Jennifer standing there not looking very amused by the conversation taking place without her. "Shall we get started?" She inquired, hopping obedient up onto the table before anyone spoke. Nadia nodded and blushed at the awkward.

We both stood but Jennifer's head on either side because her legs were being spread underneath a blue hospital sheet and no one wanted to be down near there who didn't need to be. Nadia looked under the sheet a couple of times before grabbed a scanner attached to a screen on wheels.

"Okay," She said finally. A black and white hazy picture appeared on the screen. It looked like the inside of an oval dome but much less clearer. Amongst the pallid haziness, there were two very small black blurbs that interrupted the coherent colorless chaos. "Those are your babies." She pointed at the two blurbs.

Astounded quite fell over the small white room. Only the families on the walls showed different emotions.

"Babies?" I gulped. "As in two?"

"Yes, congratulations, you're having twins." Nadia smiled looking at the three of us. I was slack jawed. Jennifer looked like she was now understanding what would happen to her in eight months. Dan looked like he was going to be sick. "Welcome to parenthood." Nadia laughed.

But none of us were even cracking a smile.


	10. Chapter 10

We were all giving a picture of the sonogram but even though I was staring at it in the taxi on the way home, I still couldn't believe it. We all asked Nadia how it was possible but then I remembered my dad and my uncle were twins.

"Twins run in your family! How lovely." Nadia had smiled down at me after I had changed back into street clothes.

"Yeah right." Dan and I both grunted with displeasure.

"Jinx." I had said dishearteningly when everyone was surprised by our reactions.

"I understand why Jennifer is upset, having to push those babies through her birthing area." Phil had said then he rounded on Dan just as confused as he was upset. "But why are you?" Dan looked at a loss for words to try to explain. Neither of them had spoken for the rest of the appointment. I was afraid of contacting them in case of me being the last straw which would cause a huge fight that would end up in separation... Or worse. But I pushed the thoughts aside as I paid the taxi driver and got out.

My phone chirped and vibrated as I was unlocking my apartment door. It was Dan.

_'Hey, how's it going?_' The text read. I put my purse down, shut the door and was about to reply when I received a text from Phil.

'_Hey, whatcha up to?'_ I felt a red flag go up. If they were both texting me at the same time, then were they not together? I hit reply to Dan's first.

'_Nothing much, what about you?'_ Then to Phil.

_'I'm just hanging out at home, what about you?' _

Dan: '_I'm out at a pub, I needed to clear my head.__'_

Phil: '_Me too, Dan went out and I'm alone. Better enjoy it while I can, eh?__'_

Me to Dan: '_Yeah, it was getting pretty heated at the clinic...__'_

Me to Phil: '_Yeah, me too. So, what happened at the clinic today?__'_

Dan: '_Yea... I just wasn't expecting two and I got flustered... Do you want to come out, have a __pint__ and talk about it?__'_

Phil: '_Dan was being weird as usual. I just wish he'd just accept that we're starting a family already! I MEAN, HOW HARD IS IT TO COMPERHEND!? JFC!__'_

Me to Dan:_'__I don't think drinking will help... Plus, carrying twins, not a good mix with alcohol... I also don't think I should be the one who you should be talking to...__'_

Me to Phil: '_Calm down and just put yourself in Dan's shoes for a second: You were in a calm, happy marriage and was just thinking about having kids. Put your names up on the surrogate program, probably not going to see anything in the next several months; at least. Then you find the perfect woman in a couple of weeks, tests finish up, get pregnant and now you're having TWINS in only a month or so. Wouldn't you be a little alarmed and freaked out yourself?'_

It was several minutes before I got a reply from either but they both replied at the same time.

Dan:_ 'You're probably right... But it's so hard to speak to him about these things...'_

Phil:_'__I suppose so... But still we have talked about this for so long and I thought he was as ready as I was... I just thought he was ready to grow up... __'_

Me to Phil: '_Grow up? What do you mean?' _I was very concerned to hear this. Why did Phil feel this way? And for how long?

Phil: _'__Never mind it's stupid.'_ My fingers were a frenzy on the on screen's keyboard.

Me to Phil: _'__Phil, listen to me: IT'S NOT STUPID! Please tell me what's going on.__'_

Phil: _'__Can't talk now, Dan came home TTYL__'_

"No!" I yelled out loud in the empty apartment. Since I was alone and there was absolute quite, my sudden outburst hurt my ears. I ignored the pain as I pressed the phone to my ear.

"This is Phil, leave a message after the rawr." Phil's voice mail instructed me.

"Damn it Phil." I cursed under my breathe as I hung up the phone. I then felt like I shouldn't swear at all, what with the two sea monkeys in my belly. "Calm down." I said to no one in particular then I caught myself rubbing my abdomen like a loving owner would his dog. "Dan and Phil are fine and everything else will be too." I looked down at my phone and checked it even though it hadn't made an any attempt to alert me yet. "I need to occupy myself." I informed the apartment as if the furniture would come to life and assist me.

I went to my closet and grabbed my guilty pleasures: crayons and coloring books. I recalled spending hours as an only child without interruption on my bedroom floor coloring the pages of Scooby Doo and Hello Kitty with the sunlight streaming through the sad excuse for blinds. It was as peaceful and relaxing as it was sad and lonely to remember. But now I craved that seclusion and peace of not caring about a world filled with paperwork and appointments.

I was in the middle of my fifth coloring page (which was of Blue from Blue's Clues and her guy friend, Magenta) when my phone came to live. I practically threw my crayons across the room as I ran to grab it.

"Hello?" I asked sightly breathless and worriedly.

"Jennifer, this is your landlord. Your rent is due." Al grunted into the phone. What a horrible interruption to my childhood forgetfulness, I thought growing upset.

"Yes Al, I was just writing out the check and sending it to you." I lied grabbing a pen and paper writing frantically 'Pay rent ASAP!'.

"Oh really?" Al sounded doubtful as much as he was angry. Just as he was about to tear me a new one, I was receiving another call. I glanced quickly down at it and saw it was Phil. This send all my eternal organs up my throat as I spluttered at Al.

"Yes okay Al, I have to go now. I will send you the rent tomorrow, have a good night now." I hung up on him while he was in mid yell. My mother would have flipped out but she wasn't here and Phil was on the other line. "Hello?" I asked but I knew who it was.

"Hi." Phil sounded defeated, never a good sign.

"Phil, what happened?" I asked worriedly drumming the nearby counter top absentmindedly.

"Everything is fine, Dan and I worked everything out, we just were having a rough patch." Phil promised me but the deflated tone in his voice told me otherwise.

"Are you sure?" I asked sensing I was being lied to. "Please Phil don't lie to me." I said before he could answer. There was an exorbitantly long pause in which no one spoke.

"I have to go." Phil muttered into the phone.

"Phil tell me what-" He hung up on me. I supposed I deserved it but that didn't make me any less mad nor frustrated. The whole reason I left America was so I wasn't left out of the loop by my family and now here I was thousands of miles away from them and I was still being left outside of that annoying, never ending loop.

Why did this always happen to me? I wondered. "Well, it never happened when I was pregnant." I said to myself tossing the phone on the couch and returning to my coloring.

But I just looked down at the page before I uttered the few words I had been keeping in long before I had met Dan and Phil face to face: "Fuck, I miss home." I didn't mean the judgmentally, fighting home that I left behind. I meant the home I felt when I was first coloring these pages the first time around.

The childhood that I never appreciated. That was the home I missed.


	11. Chapter 11

I hung up on Jennifer and looked at Dan fighting back tears. Dan was standing next to the door with a duffel bag slung around his shoulder.

"That was Jennifer." He nodded and looked away. "I told her were we just going through a rough patch so that means we have to still act like we live together in front of her, okay?" He nodded again, not meeting my gaze. I couldn't believe him. We had agreed to this a long time ago, why was he backing out now? It must still be Daniel and not my Dan, I concluded as the taxi pulled up. "Thank PJ when you get there and say hello for me." He looked at me this time when he nodded then froze with his hand on the door knob. He turned back and pulled out a thick pile of paperwork then placed it on the table nearest me.

"Just think about it." He muttered before shutting the door behind himself. I could not take my eyes off the closed door as the taxi drove away but then my eyes flitted back to the paperwork on the table that I had discovered before Dan got home.

I had grown impatient and decided to clean my frustrations away starting with the dirtiest room in the house: Dan's office. I went in with the cleaning supplies, shut and locked the door as I did when I cleaned so I was assured no interruptions, and was about to begin when I heard Dan coming in the front door.

"Phil? Where are you, we need to talk." He set down his keys in the fan made bowl by the door we kept for keys.

"I'm in your office." I answered simply then I heard him running through the house towards me.

"Phil! Stop!" He roared, I thought I heard frenzy in his voice. "Phil, I will break down this door." Dan growled through the wood.

"Why don't you want me to come in here?" I asked coldly. "Are you hiding something from me?" I joked but the silence and lack of reply made my blood run cold. "Dan?" I asked scared.

"Phil, just please come out." He rattled the knob of the door then tried to kick it, which made he moan in pain. I looked around to see if there was anything that would give me a hint about what Dan was hiding. As he banged on the door and tried again, I spotted something that looked out of place.

As I neared it, he ran off to get the skeleton key which he had forgotten about until that exact moment. I clenched a shaky hand around the documents and I heard him running back down the hall towards me. When he finally opened the door, we both knew it was too late.

I turned back to him with tears in my eyes and looked at the man I thought I had loved so recently and thought he loved me in return. I now realized how sorely mistaken I was as I lifted the divorce papers up and held them towards the one I had promised to love and to hold, in sickness and in health til death did us part.

"What's this?" I asked tears spilling down my cheeks as his eyes filled with his own tears.

"I didn't want you to find out until I knew what I wanted for sure." His tears choked his voice making sound like a whimpering child and not a reasonable adult. Maybe he was a whimpering child I thought savagely as I threw the papers to the carpeted floor and stalked out of the room. He grabbed for me and repeated over and over how sorry he was. I closed my eyes, sucked in a shaky breathe before asking a question I didn't want answered:

"What did you decide?" I felt him shake with grief as he shook his head.

"I don't know, I haven't decided-" I spun around and slapped his hand away.

"Bull shit!" I spat, my voice cracking on my tears. I cleared my clenched throat then asked again. "What is your decision, Daniel?" He knew he was in deep shit now, I never called him Daniel unless I was extraordinary pissed. He seemed to fall apart in front of me as he fell to his knees and gasped for air that wouldn't come.

"I-I l-love you!" He gasped looking up at me with tears falling down his red face.

"Don't lie to me!" I roared at him which made him cry even more. "If you loved me, you would have stayed with me!" He stopped crying and looked at me to see if he had heard my words correctly.

"No." He whispered simply, I stood straighter and shook my head. He doubled over in agony as I spoke.

"Daniel, I haven't seen Dan Howell, my Dan, in years." He begged me to stop but I went on. "I miss the man I married. I miss my best friend." He continued to cry but curled away from me and my words. "You are not him. I'm sorry but I can't live this lie anymore and apparently neither can you. Just remember, you said it not me." He shook his head now no words coming out of his mouth, only odd disjointed sounds of wailing sorrow. "I'm sorry Daniel, it's over." I left the room and went out into the living room while he packed. I was now left alone with only my horrible, unpleasant thoughts. _So this is happily ever after? _The cold voice in my head thought. _Well la DI DA, isn't this a dream come true?_

_Shut up._ My hurt voice told the cold one. The cold voice seemed to have stuck out its tongue, but it did shut up. _How did this happen?_ I asked myself finally letting my head fall into my hands when my knees supported my elbows, completing the look of total defeat. That was when Jennifer called as Dan called the taxi in the other room. He was finished before I had and had stayed by the door until I was finished.

I was now staring at the divorce papers on the table. I checked to see if Dan had signed an of it yet. Some parts had starts but they all ended up being scribbled out in the end. I couldn't make out any of the scribbled dates but I could tell he had been struggling with this decision for a while due to how worn the paper looked. Like it had been carried around at the bottom of a bag then put away then taking out, looked at, scribbled on, then put away again; a ceaseless, never ending cycle. I almost felt sorry for the man who had battled with this decision for so long.

Almost.

I looked at the cover again. Not even the name spaces on the front had been signed, not even scribbled on yet. I picked up a nearby pen and filled in our names then looked at it again clearly.

'These are the divorce papers of Phillip Micheal Lester and Daniel James Howell.' The paperwork now stated without feeling. That was the thing that broke me, seeing the words in black and white, uncaring yet stating that an era was coming to an end. The best part of my life was now at its close. Dan had finally given up the fight and I was too tired to argue.

"No!" I yelled through my tears. "I know Dan is still inside that son of a bitch somewhere. DO YOU HEAR ME?" I screamed at whatever god, devil or deity was causing this to happen. "I love Daniel James Howell and I am NOT giving up on him. Not now, NOT EVER!" I raced up the stairs to the accessible roof of our house and threw them into the quiet London streets all at once, into a massive white shock of color against the dark, starless sky. The wind picked up and blew them away, all over the neighborhood. _No Dan, not tonight, I'm not giving up on you._ I thought as the papers disappeared into their corners of the universe. Either to be picked up, thrown away or never found again.

_Almost like people._ I thought as I made the decent into the now empty house but it wouldn't stay empty forever, in nine some odd months there would be little cries echoing around these walls. The only question is who would answer them; me alone or Dan and I together?


	12. Chapter 12

I hopped out of the cab and smiled sadly at the man who was my best friend.

Well, my second best friend at least. Were Phil and I even friends now? I wondered before PJ pulled me into a hug.

"Hey buddy," He said slightly muffled against Dan's shoulder because he could only reach so far.

"Hey." Dan hugged him back but pulled away quickly. Human touch only reminded him of Phil. Neither of them knew what to say. So, PJ just lead the way up the stairs to his flat. Dan had insisted on carrying his duffel bag the whole way up.

"Here's your room." PJ opened the door to his guest room, no need to show Dan where the toilets were and everything, he already knew.

Dan plopped the bag onto the bed then PJ say softly "I'll leave you to it." before closing the door shut. Dan was grateful that PJ wasn't pressing him to talk about what had happened that caused Dan to call him and request to stay with him for awhile, but Dan guessed PJ knew. Dan had, on occasion, got drunk with PJ and told him everything with little knowledge of it the night morning with a hangover on PJ's spare bed. He now looked down at the bed and the bag on it with disgust. What the hell had happened since that night they found out Jennifer was pregnant? The world went to shit, he thought, at least, his part of the universe did.

He began to pull out different things from the bag he had taken. Clothes, mostly black, overnight requirements like a tooth brush and deodorant, plus he vlogging camera and laptop. There was some other things at the bottom of the bag he had taken without Phil's knowledge: the lube to prevent Phil from cheating, Dan didn't know why he had thought this but he felt satisfied with himself all the same, and a stuffed lion. It was the one Phil had used most often in his videos when he had started out, the one Phil had given Jennifer was its partner. Dan looked at the little lion and felt even worse.

He sat on the bed and cried with everything that he could survive on with him. Almost everything.

He needed Phil but he couldn't be a father to anyone, not now. Especially how badly he had fucked up with Phil.

He got ready for bed even though it was only seven and let sleep take him. He had visions of Phil's hurt and angry face repeating over and over 'You said it first, not me.' But no matter how much Dan apologized, Phil always ended up slamming the door in his face and when he turned it would start all over again. Several times Jennifer appeared too, floating like a ghost with tears streaming down her face. 'You and Phil broke up?' She would ask before plunging a knife into her stomach and cutting it open to reveal two babies who cried 'Daddy, why?'

I woke up many times in the night from these night terrors. I almost saw the hours past by, thanks to the clock on the wall. Midnight, one twenty, two forty, three fifteen, four eleven, five thirty, six twelve. But when he woke up and saw it was eight o'clock, he got up and made coffee. I couldn't take the nightmares anymore.

"Hey." PJ greeted me at ten.

"Hey." I nodded, pouring my fifth cup of coffee.

"Heard yeah having trouble sleeping last night." PJ noted pouring a cup of his own once I had finished.

"Yeah sorry." I mumbled around the lip of the mug.

"Do you want to talk about it?" PJ hesitated.

"No." I deadpanned.

"Dan, you can't avoid every bad conversation forever." PJ insisted.

"Watch me." I growled, finishing my coffee in one scalding gulp before going to back to my room and slamming the door. Now that I had confined myself in a room without a wifi password, I could only think of one person I could talk to that might understand: Jennifer.

He texted 'Hey, can we talk?' but there was no reply. Odd, I thought then I tried ringing her up. 'Hey, this is Jennifer, leave a message.' Her voicemail instrusted, something isn't right I concluded hanging up the phone.

"PJ, I'm going out." I told him throwing on my jacket. "Do you know where Richie's tavern is?"

"No, but I can show you." PJ said, dawning his own coat. "Don't give me that look, Dan! You need a friend right now, weather you want me or not." PJ informed him locking the door to the apartment.

"Fine, but I am on a mission so don't get in the way." I ordered. PJ mimed locking his lips before we went off to find Jennifer.

"And who are you handsome?" A waitress winked when we entered the tavern.

"Married," I said holding up my ring finger then added as an after thought; "for now. Where's your boss? I need to have a word." She looked disappointed but remained perky.

"He's over there in the red vest." She thumbed over at man with a red vest and ginger hair that clashed magnificently.

"Thanks." I muttered before making a beeline towards the man.

"So, what are you doing tonight?" I overheard PJ ask as I came near the man. I thought I also heard a slap when I said "Excuse me, are you the owner of this restaurant?" The man turned around with a smile plastered on his face.

"Yes I am indeed, what can I do for you?" He asked cheerily.

"Where's Jennifer?" His smiled vanished as he growled.

"Jennifer no longer works here."

"Do you know where she lived?" I inquired.

"Even if I did know, why would I tell you?" He snarled.

"Because she is carrying my children now tell me, where is she?" I hissed back. He looked taken aback then wrote the address on a napkin.

"There you go and please come again." He snapped before turning and smiling at others around him. I swept up the napkin, and sore faced PJ, on the way out. I was fuming but surprised to see the address wasn't too far, within walking distance in fact!

"Come on PJ, let's go." I said, my spirits lifting but the corners of my mouth remained unmoved. I was swift and quick as I navigated the people moving up and down the London street. I thought it had something to do with my intimidating height but all thoughts left me as I neared the front door of the apartment. Jennifer was sitting on the front steps, crying. Some people looked at her with distaste, while others had pity as well as places to go and people to see. Jennifer looked sorrowfully up from her hands and was shocked to see me standing on the bottom step looking up at her.

"H-Hi Dan." She sniffed loudly and rubbed the tears away, while slightly hiccuping.

"What's going on here?" I asked, sitting down next to her as PJ sat on the step below her feet.

"I d-don't really want to talk about it." She sniffed again and went to pull out a hankie, but it was in worse shape than she was, which made her tear up more. "Does anyone have a tissue?" She sounded stuffed up as PJ extended his own to her shaking hands. She just seemed to notice him and mumbled a thank you before asking "You look familiar, do I know you?"

"Pasquale Jordan Liguori but everyone calls me PJ." He again extended his and Jennifer took it with a strange smile on her face.

"You and Dan did that Pushover video." She now recalled the instructive as well as hilarious video PJ did when we were just starting out on Youtube. Or at least it felt like starting out now looking back on it.

"Jennifer," I called her attention back to something more urgent. "I was trying to text you, I even called you. I had to go to your old work to find out your place because I couldn't remember it-"

"Why didn't you ask Phil?" She tries to change the subject but I keep going.

"And now here you are in front of your apartment crying. What happened? And don't say nothing." I implored. She closed her eyes and seemed to gather all the strength inside her to say what she was about to tell.

"I was thrown out of my own apartment." She kept her eyes closed but her voice cracked and tears continued to stream down her face. "I forgot to pay the rent and my landlord changed the locks when I went to get my last paycheck to go and pay the rent with. Now he won't even let me in the building to pay because I have forgotten in the past. But I always doubled up my payment when I forgot one month." She explains frantically everything hitting her at once. Me and PJ are speechless as she cries even harder finally admitting the awful truth.

"That's horrible, I'm so sorry." PJ manages setting a hand on her knee.

"Come on." I say to him rising off the cold, concrete step.

"Excuse me?" PJ asks following me closely behind along with Jennifer.

"We're going to have a chat with this landlord guy." I say, ringing the bell.

"Dan, that's not necessary!" Jennifer squeaks trying to stop me but I slid her hand off of my arm as a gruff voice asks.

"Who the hell is it?"

"It's the gas company, someone called in complaining that they smelled gas and felt faint." I stated boldly, there is a moment of silence before the door buzzes and we all rush in.

"Now, sir, who called you-" The ginger man that comes out of one of the five doors is wearing a ruined yellowing tank top and pajama bottoms. He takes one look at the cowering Jennifer behind me and growls. "What the hell are you doing here? I thought I threw you out!"

"You didn't give me a chance to get my things!" Jennifer snaps back with more volume than anyone was excepting and she lowers it down as she whispers. "You have no right." The man is about to start yelling but I cut him off.

"This woman is pregnant and she has a right to retrieve the things necessary for survival from that apartment." I hiss pointing at the now newly changed lock at the top of the stairs. Some heads peek out of their safe apartments to see who could cause such a ruckus on a Sunday afternoon. Noticing this, the landlord puts on a fake smile and retrieves a big set of keys from his pocket. He unlocks the door and lets Jennifer in, PJ and I help pack as much as we can to help her not have to come back again. But we find that the entirety of Jennifer's live only fits in a few, easily manageable bags. We past the landlord with bags in tow.

"Now get out and don't let me catch you here again." He spits at Jennifer.

"You won't." She growls back and is about to go down the stairs. PJ and I are at the bottom when we see the bags fly out of her hands as she begins to tumble. PJ reacts quicker than I do and catches her before her feet even leave the first step.

"Are you okay?" He asks quietly.

"Yes," she turns back and sees the landlord slip his foot back underneath himself so he can stand straight again, "Just tripped." She mumbles standing herself up. No one seems to want to breathe or speak. I feel overwhelmingly furious and I am about to launch myself up the stairs to kill this guy when PJ sticks an arm out in front of me.

"He's not worth it." He whispers out of the corner of his mouth. I glare at the man before we gather everything up and head outside.

Two elderly women are waiting for us in their dressing gowns, holding open the doors of a cab.

"We heard the commotion from our apartment and called a cab." One says by the trunk.

"We'll be sorry to see you go, honey." The other says as we stuff everything into the cab. Jennifer says her last goodbyes to her neighbors (who we found out later were lesbians) and let the cab driver take us away.

"Where to?" He asks coming to a stop sign. Jennifer looked completely defeated by the question.

"800 Willie Road, red door, can't miss it." PJ chimes in.

"But that's your place." I say unsure.

"You can stay with me until you're on your feet again." PJ informs Jennifer, we both looked shocked.

"You don't mind?" She asks uncertain.

"No you seem like a scream, in a good way." He smiles and kisses her hand. "Plus," he looks at me as he says this. "My newest roommate just moved back in with their boyfriend."

"Oh well, I hope they're happy to be together now." Jennifer yawns and settles her head on PJ's shoulder. PJ is continuing to look at me.

"Me too." He says.


	13. Chapter 13

"Dan, don't you have to get back to your house soon? Phil might be worried." I pointed out when we had finished settling myself into the spare bedroom at PJ's. PJ had apologized that his roommate had forgotten so many things before they went back to their boyfriend and stuffed everything into the bag that was in the corner. I just couldn't believe PJ was being so nice to me a complete stranger but I think carrying Dan and Phil's spawn must have been a considerable factor in his offering.

It was now nearing nine o'clock and I feared Phil might get worried at the lack of Dan in their house. Dan looked uncomfortable then said "You're probably right." He said goodbye and left. PJ and I sat in the uncomfortable silence for a few minutes before asking what did I want to do?

"Well this is your place, what do you want to do?" I asked turning to him.

"No, no, you are my new roommate and I demand you decide." I laughed then thought.

"A movie sounds good but it's a little bit boring for a Sunday night, don't you think?" I confided.

"Depends on the movie." He winked before getting up and scanning through a collection on the wall nearest the TV. "This is a legend." He nodded before slipping the DVD into the player without my okay. "Believe me," He assured me as I felt my somewhat angry eyes looked at him. "You're going to love it."

As the movie began, I came to realize it was the zombie love story called 'Warm Bodies'.

"Oh, I love this movie." I gushed, "But I haven't seen it in ages." PJ looked shocked. "Sorry, I was getting implanted with someone else's baby over the past couple of months." PJ then looked awkward and crestfallen. "Sorry." I apologized for real this time.

"Not your fault, let's just watch the movie." He mumbled. But as the movie progressed we forgot all about the little spat and into the movie. PJ quoted while I cried at the film's climax.

"I forget how good that movie. was." I said wiping my eyes. "Bit of a cliffhanger though." I turned to see PJ thinking deeply about something; something disturbing, judging by the look on his face. "PJ?" I asked cautiously, he turned and smiled.

"What?"

"You seemed... Of of it there for a second. Are you okay?" He leaped up from the sofa.

"Never better, I was just thinking if I could survive the zombie apocalypse is all." He then strolled into the kitchen.

"Oh, is THAT all?" I called behind he, letting the worry go.

"You want some tea?"

"Yeah, that would be great thanks." I told him. I had a brilliant idea in that moment.

"Hey PJ?" I asked as I entered the doorway of the kitchen where he was putting the finishing touches in our mugs.

"Yeah?" He responded turning to me.

"You want to find out if you could survive, for real?" I asked pulling out the Nerf guns from behind my back. His eyes light up then glared at my own in a competitive way.

"You're on!" He grinned, grabbing on of the guns and charging into the living room forgetting about the tea entirely; which was no small feat, if I remembered correctly.

We ran around chasing each other like loonies. The rules were simple: once someone was hit, they were the tagger and the other person was the zombie. We played and ran for hours and hours until finally I fell to the floor breathless from running and laughing. PJ laid next to me and was being as shallowly as I was.

"That." I breathed. "Was immensely fun."

"Yeah." He grinned, then he rolled over to face me and I did the same. We stared at each other for fair too long before he spoke. "Why did you come here?" I was taken aback by the question and flattered.

"W-What do you mean?" I asked quietly.

"Dan told me how you had to rent out your womb because you lost your job. And now you're here with me." He blushed slightly but went on. "This surely wasn't the plan, was it?" I turned back over and faced the ceiling, thinking back to when I had used up the rest of my savings to come here because I thought I could be someone here. The delusion of British You Tubers, I guessed.

"I was suppose to make in this country, just like that." I snapped my fingers for effect. "And now," I looked down at my belly which had just begone to bloat. "Look at me." I was crying again when PJ reached over and pulled my chin to face him.

"I am." He stated plainly. I felt my face flush as he blushed.

How was it possible to be pregnant and have feelings for someone else? Or was that just the way things worked in the glorious British Empire?


	14. Chapter 14

I heard a knock at the door around ten. I didn't know who to expect, but it definatley wasn't Dan. He looked up at me like a puppy who had just been caught peeing where it wasn't suppose to: shame, ecthed in every muscle that was cowering away from me.

"Do you mind?" He asked not looking me in the eyes. I was still pretty pissed at him that he had left, but I was so relieved to see he was there in front of me. We stood there for a few heartbeats as I desided what to do... The gateful side had won. I moved his hands out of his pockets so I could wrapped myself into his arms.

"I'm just so happy you came back." I whispered kissing his ear, the way he used to love but now gave him chills instead. But he surprised me and moaned softly like the way he had used to. I kissed his ear again to make sure.

"Phil, are you sure you're still mad at me?" Dan chuckled at the touch of lips on his upper ear.

"Dan," I whispered, scared and unsure. "Is that you?" It was a silly question to ask, but I wanted to know. He pulled me away to look into my eyes. He leaned in and kissed my forehead then leaned against it.

"'Baby, can't you see? I'm calling.'" He whispered back. My body shivered from being turned on and outrageously happy relief.

"Dan." I sighed gatefully as he kissed my neck and slammed the door with his foot. He tossed his bag aside and lifted me up so I could wrap my legs around his waist as he carried me through the house like he had the entire first week we had lived there.

"'A guy like you, should wear a warning.'" He continued as he rounded the corner into our bedroom. "'It's dangerous,'" He placed me on the bed and kissed at my exposed neck. "'I'm falling.'" He smiled as he took off my shirt and jeans while I fumbled with his belt buckle.

"'With the taste of your lips, I'm on a ride.'" I gasped as he kissed my boxers before ripping them off. "'Your toxic, I'm slipping under.'" I yelped as he blew me away, he had given me a blow job in a couple of years. The last time was on my birthday. I grasped and twisted the sheets in my hands as he continued. "'With a taste of a poison paradise-'" I gritted my teeth as I came into his mouth.

"'I'm addicted to you, don't you know that you're toxic?'" He smiled and wiped his mouth after swallowing.

"'And I love what you do, don't you know that you're toxic?'" I bellowed as he manuvered himself underneath me and let me ride on top.

"'Intoxicate me now, you your loving now. I think I'm ready now, I think I'm ready now.'" He hinted as he was reaching his climax. I bent down just in time as he came with a staisfied moan. "'Intoxicate me now, with your loving now. I think I'm ready now.'" He panted as I moved up on his chest and rested there.

"'I think I'm ready now.'" I finished, I was smiling as I fell asleep on the chest of a man that I had thought had quit on me a long time ago.

It was the first time I was eternally grateful to be dead wrong.


	15. Chapter 15

I was beginning to show when I saw Dan and Phil again, this time, at the clinic. To me, I looked bloated but PJ said I looked fine, glowing in fact. I blushed and told him to sod off. Nothing happened the night Dan went back besides me and PJ falling asleep together. I had told PJ that the last thing I was looking for was a relationship and I also couldn't handle falling in love right now, but I didn't tell him that part. He said he respected my wishes and would help me in anyway he could.

Now we were walking into the clinic.

"Sorry sir, but you can't go back there." The secretary informed PJ as we were heading back into the examination room.

"That's fine." PJ smiled through gritted teeth. I knew he wanted to be apart of this as much as Dan and Phil, so I lied.

"But he's the father." I placed a hand on my stomach protectively and grabbed his hand with my other hand.

She looked baffled for a second then said "Proceed." and we did.

"I'll be in in a sec." I told PJ grabbing a dressing gown and dropped him off outside the examination room.

"Wait, why did you lie?" He called after me, but I pretended not to hear him as I rushed into the dressing room.

"Hello everyone." I smiled at Dan, Phil, Nadia, and PJ.

"Morning Jennifer." Phil beamed, holding Dan's hand.

"Is it alright if he's in here?" Nadia asked me, pointing at PJ. My heart shifted up into my throat as I hopped up on the table and laid down.

"Is it? I asked.

"If it's alright with you, I can't throw him out." Nadia said, getting the equipment ready as she did so.

"Yeah, he's a long time friend of Dan and Phil's and a short time roommate of mine." I explained.

"And an even shorter time father to be." He whispered in my ear so no one else could hear. "PJ." He smiled, extending his hand out to Nadia as I went pink.

"Nadia." She took his hand, shook it, then went back to work. "How are you feeling Jennifer?" She asked, getting a tube of clear, blue gel from her table.

"Okay." I muttered as she squeeze some of the cold, colloidal gel onto my exposed belly. She then picked up her wand and moved it around smoothly on top of the gel. The wand was connected to a monitor which showed a black and white static covered image that moved as she moved the wand.

"If Slenderman's face pops up on that screen," Dan began but Phil shushed him. Suddenly, two tiny peanut shaped dots appeared on the screen.

"And those are your babies." Nadia pronounced with a smile. I saw Dan kiss Phil's teary cheek and felt PJ enclose his fingers around my own. "They are doing very well, but they need more time to grow." Nadia notes as she checks the size and length of the sea monkeys. "The next time we should see each other again, we will be able to hear their heartbeats."

"Well, couldn't we hear them now?" I asked slightly worried, I didn't want to have to wait a whole week to hear them. "I mean, if they're alive, then we should be able to hear them." I reasoned out loud which got the boys all to nod in agreement.

"I can try, but it might be a little faint." Nadia said getting her stethoscope out and trying to find a good place to hear it clearly. She suddenly stopped, slightly to the right of my belly button and said softly "There you are." She hooked up what looked like a little suction cup over the spot then attached it to the speakers on the monitor. "These are the heartbeats of your babies." She told Dan and Phil then turned up the volume. At first, we couldn't hear anything and then...

_Ba dum bum dum, Ba dum bum dum, Ba dum bum dum._

It sounded like two beating hearts all right, but muffled as if underwater. It was the most beautiful and haunting sound I had ever heard.

To some, this sound was the end of an era. To others, a whole new beginning.

No one spoke for a very long time. The boys grabbed their vlogging cameras then recorded the screen and sound while I closed my eyes and listened to the new life growing inside of me. PJ was about to record me, but I stopped him.

"No, I don't want to be in the video or any videos. They're not mine," I looked to Dan and Phil who had already put their cameras away. "They're yours. They were never mine, they always belonged to you. So I don't want any of your fans to ever find out about me. I am just a face in the crowd to them and I'd prefer it to stay that way." Phil was tearing up and nodded but Dan questioned my request.

"But Jennifer, you apart of this family too! You gave us a gift that I think the fans would praise, not punish." Phil placed a hand on Dan's shoulder and squeezed.

"Dan, if that's what Jennifer wants, I don't see a point in arguing." Phil reasoned to Dan.

"Thanks for understanding." I smiled and hugged them gently as not to disturb the babies.

"Everything looks great, Jennifer." Nadia smiled after the examine was over. "Now I suggest taking it easy for the next few months, it's an entirely different experience with twins than just with one baby."

"I will." I promised and went to change again.

"That was fun." PJ smiled as we all exited the clinic.

"That was amazing." Phil sighed.

"That was a wake up call." Dan muttered.

"That was hunger provoking, anyone up for tacos?" I asked, everyone laughed then agreed. We had tacos and talked about the upcoming future. The next visit to the clinic would be the one to find out if the babies were boys, girls, or one of each.

"I hope they're both girls." PJ said, slurping up a particularly stubborn piece of lettuce off his jumper.

"You don't have to raise them!" I pointed out laughing.

"True, but girls are much easier to raise than boys." He added.

"I wasn't, potty training was a nightmare for me." I remembered my mother telling me how I went behind doors and pooped.

"I hope they're both boys, because at least when we have 'the talk' I will know a hell of a lot more to say than I would for a girl." Dan said, but a worried look crossed his face. Phil noticed this then wiped it away with a smile and a kiss.

"I don't care what they are as long as they are as beautiful as you." Phil whispered to Dan but everyone could hear.

"I suppose that is a valid concern, unless they are gorgeous as you are." Dan joked back, playfully biting Phil's ear, sending a rush of blood to Phil's face.

"What do you want? Boys, girls, both?" PJ asked softly of me as Dan and Phil whispered sweet nothings to each other. I considered the question. I had had very little interaction with boys over the nearly three decades roaming this planet, as sad as that sounded but I was certainly no virgin. But the rare occasions where I was with men, it didn't normally end well. But then again, bitches be crazy...

"All I want is for Dan and Phil to be happy." I concluded, smiling to see that they were very happy to be in each other's company at that moment.

"A wise answer," PJ noted then looked at his watch. "We better get going." He said to the red faced Dan and Phil.

"So soon?" Phil asked, both checking their hair.

"We have plans." I added as PJ helped me into my coat.

"Well, see you at the next meeting then." Dan smiled, both rising to give goodbye hugs.

"We will." PJ affirmed, leaving our side of the check on the table before Dan or Phil could protest.

"Bye." I waved as we left. When we got outside, I turned to PJ who was hailing a cab. "So what plans do we have right now, Oh Great and Powerful Bullshitter." PJ guffawed before helping me into the cab.

"You'll see." PJ winked as he told the driver the address of our apartment. I leaned against him as the taxi sped through traffic and peril to get us home.

"PJ, what are you doing?" I asked. I was now sitting on the couch with my eyes closed, at PJ's order. He was walking around, rearranging and grabbing things. It was maddening not knowing what was going on as you heard things happening around you.

"Just a few finally touches..." PJ urged me to keep my eyes shut as his movements slowed and he was making the last few adjustments. "Okay... Now." I opened them and gasped.

PJ had rearranged the furniture and sheets over top of it into a mighty fortress. The floor was littered with pillows and blankets and the sheets hung off the TV in a way that made it look like a movie theater, complete with popcorn, sweets, and soda on the inside.

"PJ, this is..." I couldn't find the right word. It was speechless, I thought ironically. Then the word came to me as if it was new. "Magical." I finished with a grin. He helped me into the fort then hit play on the DVD player before turning on the screen of the television. The beginning of 'Princess Bride' started to play in front of my eyes. I turned to him. "How did you know I loved this movie?" I asked, I knew it wasn't very commonly played in American homes nowadays so I found it strange that an Italian boy would be playing it in England. How did he even get a copy of it? I thought now. He paused the movie so he wouldn't miss anything as he explained.

"When we helped you move, I saw this in your collection and since I have never seen it, thought it'd be a great movie to watch tonight." He grinned excitedly. Well that makes perfect sense, I thought as I grinned back.

"It is." I agreed. He stared at me for a very long time. "Uh PJ, the movie?" I asked turning away and growing rosey.

"Oh right." He remembered then hit play. I had not seen this movie in a long time but I still remembered every line and every scene by heart. The end came far too quickly as the grandfather began explaining about the invention of the kiss. I was quoting under my breathe until I turned my head and saw PJ staring at me in awe.

"'Since the invention of the kiss, there had been five kisses that had been rated the most passionate, the most pure. This one left them all behind.'" The grandfather explained as PJ and I leaned into one another personal bubbles, deeper into the uncharted territory in our relationship. "'The end.'" The grandfather pronounced, bringing us back from the moment of nearly all consuming emotion. The end played out and went to credits but PJ and I were still blushing and unable to speak. Finally PJ cleared his throat.

"Good movie." He said.

"Great movie." I said.

"Ten out of ten."

"Twenty out of ten." I finally faced him and said "PJ," He turned to face me, his green eyes looking into my hazel ones. "Can we still be friends if you kiss me?" I asked cautiously, leaning in again.

"As you wish." He smiled as our lips greeted each other for the first time. I had kissed a total of four guys and one girl in my life, but this one kiss left those entire relationships in the dust.

"Wow." We both breathed parting at last.

"Want to watch it again?" PJ asked. "I wasn't paying attention the first time around." I smiled and kissed him again.

"As you wish." I mummer as he hit play again. I didn't make it through the second time around because I fell asleep. When I woke up, the screen was off and I was lying on PJ's chest with a blanket covering the both of us. He was snoring softly so I didn't wake him as I got up and ran back to my bedroom. "So much for not falling in love." I whispered to the babies. I was red-faced as I got into bed and went back to sleep.


	16. Chapter 16

I was in the middle of editing our birth annoucement video, at Phil's request, when he called from the nursery.

"Dan, can you come in here please?" I groaned softly as I trudged toward it, I took a deep breathe before opening the door.

"Yeah?" I peeked my head around the door to see Phil standing there looking at three colors on the plain wall. He was wearing painting gear which involved a very faded, shared shirt of ours that barely fit him anymore and gray yoga pants that I bought him as a joke, because both knew how our inflexibility ranged; we had been more than informed of that fact from that video we recorded so long ago.

As the memory faded, he turned, smiled then motioned me to come in. I wrapped my arms around Phil's waist and rested my head on his shoulder. He went back to staring at the wall but a smile played at the corners of his mouth.

"What do you think?" He asked pointing towards the three colors on the wall. I looked to see a light blue, a pale yellow and a faded green.

"Why the blue?" I inquired pointing. "Are you hoping for a boy?" I asked smiling into his ear.

"No." He said quickly. "I just like the color." We stood quietly staring at the wall another minute before he asked. "What are you hoping for?" I felt all the color drain from my face. I had been pushing the thought of fatherhood as far from my thought process as possible because not only did it send me spiraling into an extensional crisis, but it still scared the hell out of me even though Phil and I were in good graces. I remembered hearding those heartbeats and felt like this was it for Phil and I, now it would be Phil, twins, and I for the next eighteen years, at least!

"Dan?" I snapped myself back into reality. When had Phil turned himself around to face me? When had I started shaking? "Dan." I looked up into his eyes which were light blue and full of fear.

"I'm fine." I lied smiling, shaking off the last few shivers then hugging him.

"You didn't look fine." He said worriedly but hugging me back anyways.

"Phil Love," I pulled him back at arm's length to look at him squarely in the face. "As long as you're here, I was always be fine." He blushed like I knew he would then I kissed him because I could. I knew at some point I should tell him how I had been feeling since we met Jennifer. Or maybe it would disappear like it had when we had first started dating. Maybe I could hide it for another few months. I thought to myself as Phil pulled away, held my hands then began swinging them like we did when we first started dating and as Dil did in those Sims videos of the past.

"So, are you going to answer me question?" Phil bit his lower lip looking up at me.

"Only if you ask it again and do that same exact thing with you lip." I smiled feeling very turned on by this little bite. He giggled then repeated the question, re-biting his lip, making it slightly red from the repetition.

"What are you hoping for? Girls or Boys?" I let my mouth ramble as I drew Phil in closely.

"I think I want little boys, to make things easier on us. But I have always wanted little princesses to call me their Daddy."

I thought another minute then wondered out loud. "We can't we have both?"

"How about this?" He asked but my eyes flickered away as he was explaining his hopes and dreams about our family. "If we don't get both, we could always adopt..." Phil followed my gaze, which was on the wall, then went back to deciding again.

"I think we should pick that blue." Phil pointed. "What was I thinking, yellow? I don't even like yellow!" He retorted. I didn't answer as he picked up a brush and began to paint over the yellow and green with the blue. I didn't really care in that moment.

"I'll make some tea." I mumbled as an excuse to escape the room that would soon be home to our future spawn.

"Or maybe I could do one wall one color..." Was the last I heard from the room as I raced downstairs quietly then held onto the kitchen counter to keep myself from slipping to the ground into a full extensional crisis as another wave of uncertainty washed over me like a gut feeling.

"What am I going to down?" I moaned mufflely into the tiled floor.


	17. Chapter 17

It had been a pleasant several days since Dan returned and Jennifer's appointment. It felt like my life was finally given meaning, becoming a dad with Dan by my side. I knew he was scared and he had extensional crises went he thought I didn't see him, but he should know that I know him better than I know myself sometimes. And, after years of living together and being best friends even longer, my observation skills were unmatched when telling what Dan was feeling. But I was in baby planning mode and knew he would work out his issues on his own, as he had when we were getting ready for our wedding.

I was at the mall, looking at baby clothes when I meet up with Jennifer and PJ again. She looked blissfully joyful and PJ looked, a little tired, actually. When Jennifer was trying on maternity clothes, I asked PJ what was up.

"It's no big deal, really." He reassured me. "Jennifer just has a more serve morning sickness but it's REALLY early morning sickness and it's a little hard to sleep with the sound of someone you have a crush on blowing chunks in-"

"Wait," I held up a hand and looked around to make sure no one was listening. I felt like a schoolboy as I asked "You have a crush on the girl that is about to have mine and Dan's baby?" PJ's eyes widened as he realized his slip up.

"Well, I erm, no?" PJ attempted to lie but there was no need.

"PJ, that's fantastic!" I hugged him out of happiness them being happy together.

"It is?" He asked as we pulled apart.

"Well, yeah! Jennifer is nice and you're nice and you want a relationship without any pressure..." I recalled the countless talks and phone calls with PJ where he was bemoaning the fact that he was single but he didn't want there to be pressure in the relationship in where she wanted to get hitched and have babies right away.

"You really think so?" PJ asked, getting excited that someone else made this realization as well.

"Absolutely." I affirmed. "Are you going to tell her?" I asked excitedly to which his face fell a little.

"I did, and she said it was stressful as it was having two humans growing inside of her and she isn't looking for anything serious right now."

"Oh man, I'm sorry." I felt my heart sink a little at the look on his face; then his face brightened.

"Don't feel bad, Phil. I actually think she likes me back, even if she doesn't want to admit it to herself." He winked and smiled.

"Really? How so?" I asked but just then, Jennifer came out of the store with a couple of bags, one in each hand.

"Hey," she greeted us a little breathlessly. "Want to hit the food court?" She asked us both, to which PJ replied.

"McDonald's sounds pretty good." He noted grabbing the bags out of Jennifer's hands as he asked me "What about you, Phil?" I was about to answer when my phone went off. I saw it was Dan and hit the speaker phone without a second thought.

"Hi Dan!" We all chanted together into the phone as we huddled around it in a little circle.

"Phil. Help me." Dan said in a dark toned, small voice. I took him off speaker and placed the phone to my ear as the smiles ran away from our faces.

"What's wrong?" I asked in a tone just as serious.

"Phil, I'm scared and confused and I don't know what to do anymore." Dan's voice crack as he broke down on the other end of the line.

"What? Baby, what's wrong?" I stammered as PJ and Jennifer listened to my half of the conversation.

"You said it: baby. Babies Phil, I can't handle the pressure of being a father so soon!" He cried in hysteria.

"What?" I asked shocked, then remembered his crises and realized what he was saying. "Dan, don't do this, not again. Please don't." I begged turning away from my friends and pacing. It was quite, I thought he might have hung up but then a broken voice croaked back to me.

"I already have, Phil." The line went dead.

"Dan? Dan!" I asked but I knew he was gone. "Fuck." I mumble as I replace the phone into my pocket and take off at a run.

"Phil?" Jennifer calls after in scared question. "What's going on?" But I was in a taxi by the time they caught up.

"No Dan, not this time. You can't do this to me." I growled leaving text after text, voice mail after voice mail, email after email until the taxi arrived home. I raced up the stairs, unlocked the door and opened it to a half made house. I say half made meaning photos, clothes, instruments, evidence of Dan were all gone. The house, my world, my heart were all missing a gigantic half that only the presence of my missing love of my life could restore. But the question remaining was: Where was he?

I fell to my knees and cried, hard. I let the sobs shake over my body like a never-ending wave after wave of unimaginable sadness, hurt, and pain that only a broken heart can feel.

"No, no, no, no." I whimper as I crawl through the house looking for anything that resembled Dan. I finally made it to the bedroom and found his lama hat with my laptop beside it. A sticky note told me to watch the video named 'Sorry'. I found the video and watched my extensionally fraught husband try to explain himself but I only got to the part where he said 'Don't try to look for me.' Before I slammed the laptop shut and screamed into the hat "YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME!" I cried and cried and cried until I drifted into unconsciousness.

The nightmares to follow were ones I still can't quite wake myself up from.


	18. Chapter 18

Days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months. None of the three friends heard from the fourth. Although they left messages daily, it was all slient on the other end. As Dan's lack of presence lengthened, a certain bitterness grew in Phil; a deep betrayal of his love had been commited and he only felt an empty numb, feeling when he thought about Dan, which was daily. Jennifer also felt an anger and hurt towards Dan that no one fully understood, not even herself. Maybe it came from her broken home life or something much deeper.

Either way, this hate expanded as her body did in the beauty and torture of pregenancy.

Until one fateful day...

I was crying, again, watching a favorite childhood show of mine. It never ceased to amaze me how much nostalgia pregenancy brought. I enjoyed the simplicity and the seer joy the show brought back to me through rewatching it. Then, something snapped inside me as they sang just one more song and told me that I was really smart.

After eight months and two weeks of brooding emotions and trails, I had had enough. I stumbled off the couch and waddled into the bedroom where I had kept my whole life. It was a little dusty since I only used the room for storage. PJ had insisted that I have the better bed then I had insisted he slept, and only slept, next to me. I couldn't stand to be alone anymore, even though I was never quite alone, what with towing around two fetuses under my shirt.

I packed a quick bag and headed out the door. I flagged down a taxi just as PJ turned the corner and began walking up our lane.

"Jennifer?" He called as the cab pulled up to the curb. I turned out of habit.

"I'm sorry." I said as a cold breeze blew past me and into him. He took off at a run as the taxi driver loaded my bag into the trunk.

"Jennifer! What are you doing?" He yelled at me. "Wait!" He cried as I slammed the door shut and told the driver my destination: London City Airport. "Where are you going?" He screamed as the tires screeched down the quite street. I received text after text from him demanding an explaintion. My simple reply back was: 'I'm going home. I'm sick of Britain and I want to see my own messed up family instead of helping to start another one.' Then he told me I'd never be allowed on an airplane with so little time left in my pregenancy, how I was kiddnapping Phil's unborn children, and things of that nature. He texted the one thing that would grab my attention: 'I'm telling Phil.'

I hit call and upon pick up I growled "You better not!"

"Nice to hear your voice." He snapped back. "Jennifer, they aren't going to let you on a plane; you're too far along and travel would be bad for not only yourself, but the babies as well." I looked down at my enormous globe of a stomach and patted it gentltey. The babies replied by kicking back, one softly and the other, rather hard.

"PJ, I can't stand to see these two going into what I grew up around. I can't let them be in a family that's broken. I want to give them what I never had!" By now I was crying again which caused the driver to ask me

"You all right, Miss?" I nodded and motioned for him to drive on.

"But what does that have to do with you kiddnapping them?" PJ asked frustratedly.

"If I take them home, then my family will help us and we'll live life as Americans, just like I did growing up." I stated matter of factly.

"Jennifer, you have pregenancy brain! You're not thinking straight, there's no way you'll get to America and even if you did, what makes you think your family will take you in again?" PJ reasoned. I was about to hang up when he said "Don't hang up, I'm sorry. But I have other reasons for not wanting to let you go."

"Really, what are they?" I asked as I began to see airplanes flying overhead.

"Well, one is I love you and I never want to be away from you. Another is I love you and you getting kicked out of your apartment was the best thing that could ever happen in the history of the world. My favorite reason though is I love you and you are my best friend and I don't want to lose you." PJ's voice cracked on the word 'lose' and I heard him sniffling which broken my heart.

"You love me?" I questioned. "Why?" This got a throaty, watery chuckle out of him.

"Because you are the most amazing and kindest person I have and will have ever known and I don't want to lose that." PJ confessed.

"PJ, what are you saying?" I questioned, thinking I knew where this was going but not completely sure.

"Jennifer, please say you'll-..." The line went dead the second we entered that tunnel.

"No!" I yelled and let my head fall back into the leather seat in frustration.

"Sorry Miss." The driver apologzied softly. "But after this tunnel it's a hop, skip and a jump to the airport. Do you still want to go?" He asked a little louder. I looked out the window and saw my reflection. I looked how I felt: tired, fat and miserable all at the same time. It would be nice to have others care for me and the babies like a family does in times of births.

"Drive on." I said loud enough to be heard. Just because PJ loves me, doesn't mean I should stay... Right?


	19. Chapter 19

I received the call from PJ a little after ten in the morning.

"PJ? What's going on?" I wondered worriedly, he never called anymore without news.

"Jennifer is at London City Airport and is getting onto a plane to America, you've got to meet me there and stop her before it's too late." He choked out, he sounded as if he was crying.

"I'm on my way." I annouced, rising to my feet and grabbing my keys. Leaving the laptop on, freezing Dan's face in video form. I had watched and rewatched his 'I'm Sorry' video twice a day since he left; trying to brainwash myself into understanding that he was not coming back and there was nothing I could do about it. But I had the entire video memorized from everytime he blew his nose to every tear falling down and off his cheeks and still, I couldn't bring myself to believe that he was gone. Just like that.

"I'll meet you at the souvenior shop." PJ stated as I got into my car.

"Yeah, fine, see you there." I muttered before hitting end and swinging my car into gear. All I had left in this world were my babies, and there was no way I was about to lose them now.


	20. Chapter 20

I had decided I needed to stay with some roomates. I knew a few University buddies that had jobs at London City Airport and knew they'd help me out. I had first started as a janitor, cleaning this and that at gates here and there, until a security guard quit. My friends and roomates talked me up to their boss and I became the newest member of the airport security team. It was a good gig. Anything from the food stations, bars and coffe shops for free, driving around on those golf carts, half price at souvenior shops (even with it though, it was still expensive as fuck), and keeping the peace for travelers just trying to get from one place to another.

Unfortunalty, this ment I saw a lot of families on holiday as well. Everytime I saw an infant or child with their mother and father, I got a guilty feeling in my gut. But it was ten times as worse when I saw a pregenant woman coming to greet their husband or boyfriend who would hug and kiss then marvel at the belly and gaze into each other's eyes knowing that it was going to be okay now. It was months of this internal drama.

I knew PJ, Jennifer and, worst of all, Phil were looking for me; but I couldn't stay to face them or even talk to them. And what would I say if I did? Sorry I left when I felt overwhelmed, now can you forgive me and go back to the way things were? I was a big twat for leaving but can we just hug it out and move on? What I did was wrong and I love you and I hope someday you'll all forgive me? I probably could have, but I just couldn't bring myself to pick up the phone and start, even though I tried everyday; I couldn't face reality, hormonal Jennifer, angry PJ, nor hurt Phil. I just couldn't.

I was taking a quick break in my golf cart when I saw her. She just got off the escalator and was hooving it to the ticket counter. I couldn't believe it. One, she was so far along; two, she was here; three, she had a suitcase and was expecting to get on a plane to god knew where in her condition; and four, she was here. I quickly threw my cart into life and sped after her, avoiding the pedstrains in the way, of course.

I parked a good thirty feet away but I could still hear the converstion, thanks to the aucostics of the building desgin.

"Hello." She huffed as she heaved her purse onto the counter. "One to America, please." She stated, looking and finding her wallet, ready to pay any cost to get to America.

"Mame, we can't let let you board a flight today in..." The ticket woman named Janice (she was dating a roomate of mine) was looking for the right words. "Your condition. It would be bad, not only for yourself; but the baby as well."

"What makes you think I'm pregenant?" Jennifer challenged to see if she would back down. It was a tough pickle for Janice. She couldn't offend Jennifer if she wasn't pregenant, but she couldn't sell her a ticket either. Janice looked up for help and saw me. I shook my head and helped her look for someone, anyone else who could help her out while Jennifer was tearing her a new one. But there seemed to be commoution on the other side of the airport because I was the only security guard in the entire terminal. I looked back and saw Janice mouth 'Dan please.' and knew my fate was sealed. I locked up the cart and dragged my feet the whole way there until finally I got there and asked

"What seems to be the problem, ladies?" Jennifer froze and turned to look up at me. As Janice explained what was going on, Jennifer and I had an unspoken converstion in a few seconds time.

Jennifer: Is that you?

Me: Yep. How are you?

Jennifer: How _could_ you?

Me: I had to.

Jennifer: You don't even know what you've done to me, to PJ, to Phil.

Me: Don't you think I regret it every moment of everyday for leaving?

Jennifer: Then why didn't you come back?

Me: I was scared and-

Jennifer: SLAP!


	21. Chapter 21

"You were scared?! YOU were scared! How do you think it feels to have two humans growing inside of you when a father decides to up and leave, leaving everyone else confused and lost on what to do and how to move on; when the pregnant girl can't do a gad damn thing except wait until she gives birth to twins THAT AREN'T EVEN HER OWN!" I scream at Dan. Everyone in the terminal stops and stares. Did that pregnant woman just slap a security guard?

Yes, yes she did and justly so; though no one but Dan and I, who both knew that he had deserved it.

"I'm sorry." Dan mumbles, unable to look me in the eye.

"Damn straight you are! Now get me on the next flight to America or I'm going to-" A sharp pain shoot through my system like a bullet. It felt like my belly was having a charlie horse but I couldn't shake or stretch this one out.

"What's going on?" Dan asked, concern in his eyes as I double over and yell, using the desk to keep me standing. Then I felt liquid run down my legs like I had wet myself like a little kid which filled me with disgust as well as horror.

"No, not now, I've got a plane to catch." I told myself out loud and tried to walk away but another surge of pain shot through me and I slid to the floor. "YEAHHHHH!" I bellowed as confused travelers stood idling by, unsure what to do or what was going on.

"Jennifer, what's happening?" Dan asked as he tried to help me to my feet again.

"Just leave her there." The woman behind the desk ordered. "She's going into labor." She informed Dan as she dialed 999.

"No, no I'm fine, let me go to America, I'm sure I can-" I grunted in pain and tried to breath evenly but it was hard enough just sitting there without screaming that my breathes were coming in and out shallow and fast.

"Dan, tell her to calm down and to take slow, deep breathes." The woman behind the desk informed Dan before she began talking to the police. Dan looked frightened as he stared at me at a lost for what to do in this situation.

"Um. Uh, breath in... and out..." He said, more calmly than he looked. I followed along best I could but the pain surges were only getting worse.

"Great, thank you." The woman said into the phone before hanging up.

"When will they be here, Janice?" Dan asked, while still breathing evenly like I was attempting.

"In fifteen to twenty minutes, not including traffic." Janice told us with an apologetic look on her face.

"Dan, I can't wait that long." I told him still breathing.

"And you won't have to." Dan replied, jumping up and bringing a golf cart up right next to me. "Let's just get you in here." He grunted, raising me to my feet and into the side seat of the cart. He hopped in and drove off with cart lights a flaring. "OUT OF THE WAY!" He yelled at the crowd as he honked the horn and raced to the door. "This woman is having my babies, out of the way!" He kept saying while I kept a steady, even breathing going as we whizzed through the terminals of London City Airport.


	22. Chapter 22

"Fuck, where is she?" PJ moans in a whisper as we frantically search the screens of the never ending list of departures and arrivals. My eyes go fuzzy and after a while it seems too hopeless to even attempt anymore; so I let my eye glace over as PJ continued the search. That's when we heard a golf cart wheeze past with an all too familiar voice yelling 'This woman is having my babies, out of the way!'

PJ and I both spin around just in time to see Dan driving the golf cart with Jennifer in the passenger seat, red in the face before the crowd swallows them up again.

"Was that-" PJ begins, but I interupt in fear of hearing the name that had haunted my for months.

"Never mind that; let's go!" I order as I take off at a run. But by the time we have run the distance that had disappeared; they were already a whole terminal ahead of us. "Oh, forget this. Come on! We'll met them at the hospital." I informed PJ as I ran towards the direction of the car's parking space.

"But how do you know she's in labor?" PJ asked alarmed as he trotted after me.

"Father's intuition." I stated simply. "Now, hurry! I'm NOT about to be late for the birth of my children."

PJ got his leg in the car in time as I sped away; following the signs that no doubt Dan and Jennifer were also pursuing to our shared destination.


	23. Chapter 23

"Just breathe, Jennifer." I said soothingly as she grits her teeth as another fit befalls her.

"RRAHHH!" She screams before falling to the bed again in a sweaty mess. "Dan, I want them out of me." She confides to me weakly.

"You have to wait until you're fully dilated." I sigh back, rubbing her hand with both of my own.

"How dilated am I now?" She pants softly, unknowingly causing me to blush.

"I-I don't know. Um, nurse?" I called desperately, grabbing the attention of some portly, gray haired woman. "Can you check to see how far along my friend is here?" I nod towards Jennifer since my hands are clasping her own.

"Sure dearie, but wouldn't you said you're a bit more than friends?" She asked before prompting Jennifer's legs up and open for her to check. We both looked at each other and laughed.

"No, no, no, I'm just a surrogate." She explains weakly while I'm wiping my eyes.

"Oh." The nurse nods understandingly, but all we see is the tip of her head bobbing up and down over Jennifer's belly. Jennifer takes in a sharp inhale of breathe which grabs my attention immediately.

"I'm fine," she assured me "she just has cold hands." She whispers nodding to the nurse down south. I stifle a mix between laughter and upchuck as the woman's head pops up and informs us.

"The good news is your contractions are getting shorter, the bad news is that you're only three centimeters dilated." She then turns to the sink to wash her hands.

"And how many does she need to give birth?" I ask hesitantly.

"Ten." The nurse states with no sympathy.

"Ten?!" We both gawk at the same time.

"Ten." She reiterates before leaving.

"Dan, I don't think I can wait until ten." Jennifer grunts out the last of her newest pains. I didn't know what to tell her. Too bad and buck up? Don't worry, it'll all work out in the end? It can't be that bad? All these 'words of comfort' were just cliques. And the last would definitely earn me another slap no doubt. A helpful mother in the next bed over suggested that Jennifer try to walk around to dull the pain.

"I would walk around myself." The mother continued as I helped Jennifer rise to her unsteady feet. "But I had the epidural already and I-" She stopped speaking and scrunched up her face in pain but never let a scream or yell escape her. "That was a sharp one." She noted to herself before turning back to us for conversation, but we were already halfway out the door. "See you two later!" She called after us then laid back in the bed, ready for the next wave to hit at any moment.

"What's an epidural?" I asked Jennifer in whisper as we shuffled down the hall.

"It's when they give you a shot through your spine to cut all feeling from your waist down so it's easier to give birth." She explains while waddling down the hall, clinging to my arm for support.

"Childbirth is so... Exhausting." I thought out loud to which Jennifer gave a false, humored laugh and nudged me in the ribcage. "I'm just saying!" I defend myself. "What with all the drugs and treatments and breathing evenly; and you haven't even got to the birth part yet! I am amazed by what an amazing job you've done thus far." I confess to her.

"Daniel James Howell, don't bull shit me." She grunts but I think I notice she has turned a slightly pinker shade of worn out.

"Jennifer, I would never bull shit you; especially not today. Not on my children's birthday." I inform her when a voice, I have loved forever but that which has been silent for months, pops in saying:

"You mean MY children's birthday." We both turn to see Phil and PJ staring at the two people they loved most in their lives, but whom also ran away: us. Jennifer and I look at PJ and Phil, respectively. All, for once, is quiet.


	24. Chapter 24

"PJ, escort Jennifer back to the birthing center." I mumble through gritted teeth, never taking my eyes off Dan.

"Sure thing, Phil." PJ notes, before walking straight to Jennifer and taking her arm, but looking only at Dan. "Come along dear, Daddys need to talk." Dan relinquished Jennifer's arm then PJ and Jennifer lurching off, leaving me and Dan alone for the first time in months. We don't say anything for a few heart pounding minutes until...

"Phil, I am so, so-"

"Stop." I ordered, raising my hand for emphasis to which Dan obeys. "Don't you DARE say you're sorry. If you were, truly, deeply, dearly apologetic you would have came back before now." I growled.

"Don't you think I tried to?" He snapped back like a whip. "There was nothing I thought of more than trying to find the right words to apologize to everyone; you most of all." He looked defeated as he put his hand behind his back. "I tried and tried but every time I picked up the phone; I lost all words that I had thought of so," He pulled out a very battered and worn piece of paper. "I started writing them down."

"Writing what down?" I interrogated hotly, crossing my arms over my chest; but still intrigued none the less.

"My apologies, everything I regretted doing against you; against everyone, but mostly you. Everyday I would try to call you, read this list but when I reread it; I realized there was never any proper way to ask for your forgiveness." He went on, unfurling the paper like a flag, ready to raise it at any moment. "Please, let me apologizes today." I looked at the paper then at him and back again, arms still folded. Then I sighed and placed my hands on my hips.

"All right, I suppose better late than never." He looked excited as he found the first line, but waited until I said "Go."

"'The Things I'm Sorry for Most in the World'." He read the title of the list to which I scoffed at, but he kept going. "'I'm sorry for the way I acted when I found out we were having twins. I'm sorry for the way I left you: all alone and with no one to help you find the proper, tiny clothes for our unborn. I'm sorry for everything I said and thought against parents and children. I'm sorry for not telling PJ to go for it when he told me he loved Jennifer. I'm sorry for not telling Jennifer that I was running away.' But I figured, if I did, she would have told me to come back and I just couldn't." He looked at me with the tears in his eyes that stirred something inside me that I hadn't felt for a long time: sympathy, because I knew that hurt, that loss, and that heartache that his eyes felt all too well. He went back to reading but I stopped him.

"What is the thing you're most sorry for?" I asked. He didn't even look at the page of woes and apologizes but straight in the eye and said:

"I'm most sorry for not being there for everyone; for PJ as a friend, for Jennifer as a support, for our children as a father, but most of all you; Phil Howlter. And for me not being a husband to you when you needed it most." He stated without breaking eye contact, even though a tear slide out of the corner of his eye. "I still love you, Phil. I hope one day you'll forgive me for hurting you, no us, so badly." His voice cracked and he swung a fist to his lips to keep him from blubbering or worse; unstoppable sobbing.

"Dan," Now my voice was shaky but I clear my throat and tried again. "Dan, when you left months ago, leaving me nothing but a video and your llama hat; I thought, no, I knew I could never forgive you." He looked up in horror, the tears really starting to flow. "But now," I stepped forward, grabbed the paper from his hands, looked at the wrinkled, inky surface and smiled. "Seeing that you went through the same Hell as I did without you has made me realize that there is no one on this planet that I could ask for as a better friend, husband, nor father," I looked up into his wet, coffee eyes. "Than you." I hugged him tightly before he could process anything. "Daniel Howlter, I forgive you." I whispered in his ear. I felt him relax and hug me back with a joyful relish that still brings tears to my eyes to this day.

We held each other for a very long time; not saying anything but just holding on, afraid that if we let go, the other would disappear.

"I forgive you, as long as you promise to never run away again. I can't do parenthood by myself, Dan." I choked out my greatest fear in whisper. He pulled away to look me in the face.

"And you won't have to, Phil." Then, for the first time since the day we heard our babies' heartbeats, we kissed. It was long and satisfying. We pulled away and touched foreheads like we used to when we first started dating. "God, I missed you." He smiled and pecked me again.

"I doubt as much as I missed you." I assured him, pecking him back.


	25. Chapter 25

PJ didn't say anything as he helped me back to the birthing center. I didn't know what to say or do; so I held on and kept my mouth shut. Finally, I stopped causing PJ to lunge forward then turn back to look at me.

"What's the hold up?" He asked heatedly.

"Oh good, we're still on speaking terms." I shot back, glaring into his furious, all be it, beautiful sea glass green eyes.

"I don't know, are we? Or are you going to hang up on me again when I tell you I love you?" He spat at me. I flush white at realizing why he was so mad: he thought I hung up on him when the taxi went into the tunnel.

"PJ, I-" I began but he blurted in.

"Save it." He turned away and stared ahead but at nothing in particular. "Let's just get you back and-" I placed my hand on his shoulder and pull. He instantly turns even though I know I wasn't strong enough to do it on my own.

We are now facing each other. I, shorter than normal because I'm bent over in pain and he, taller than normal because his pride has fixed his slouch.

"You listen to me, Mr. Lugori; and you listen good. The reason the phone hung up was cause the taxi went into a tunnel and I was too scared to call you back because if I had, I don't know if I could have made it to the airport. Even if the taxi dropped me off, I would have walked back to be with you. But I needed to step away from it all. I was going to give these children to a parent that loved them but also another father who wasn't going to be there for them. I couldn't let that happen; not while there was still money in my pocket and air in my lungs. I love these two little sea monkeys too much to send them into that situation. And I couldn't go back because I love you too much, PJ; so don't you think for a moment that I don't. If I went back, I would end up hurting you all over again and-" My ranting and crying were interrupted by PJ's shocked, soft words.

"You love me?" He was aghast as I went red realizing I had just said what had been in the back of my mind but which my brain hadn't full processed until I stated it in anger and hurt.

"I love you?" I asked, seeing how it felt in my mouth and on my tongue. "I love you? I love you?... I love you. I love you. I love you!" I began chanting, getting more and more excited and happy at my realization just as PJ was. I stretched to hug him as he bent to hug me back. Our embrace was short lived as another contraction hit. I tried to breathe evenly but my heart was beating too fast and excited to even notice there were little babies in my belly.

"I love you too, now let's get you back." PJ decided for us as we continued down the hall, his hand on my arm while I had a death grip on his other hand.

"Let's get these two out of me." I muttered as I laid back into my bed with PJ's every present helping hand. "Nurse?" I called to the same nurse who had helped me before. "How dilated am I now?" I asked propping my legs up. I smiled at PJ as he told me how he and Phil saw Dan and I fleeing the airport while Nurse Cold-Hands checked again.

"Oh my, you've dilated another three centimeters in the last twenty minutes! That's really fast for a first timer." She remarks on her way to the sink again.

"So I'm at six centimeters." I reasoned out before I scrunched my face up again and grabbed for PJ's hand. "How much longer?" I moaned when the wave had past.

"It usually takes three hours minimum for a first time mother. But you're going so fast; it may only be two!" Nurse Cold-Hands informs me happily. I am about to panic when PJ asks

"Do you want to hear a story?" I turn to him confused. "It might help you relax and speed the process along." He suggested as a different nurse with a long needle came and pulled up along side my bed.

"Well, since I'm not going anywhere for awhile." I heaved myself up and over for her to stick the needle in between my vertebra and into the main nerve that runs the length of my spine. "Lay it on me." I told PJ and the nurse.


	26. Chapter 26

We heard a brief but clear shriek of pain from the birthing center but we were in the middle of a reunion, that which could not be put on hold, in a spare hospital room. We were terrible friends, not being there for our surrogate mother when she was in labor. But hey, it had been a very long time being lonely and apart from one another, and damn it, we were horny!

"Dan, I love you so much." I moaned as he bit and tugged at my neck's pale skin.

"I love you more, Phil." He assured me as I slid my leg in between his own. Finally he's done biting and relaxes into my chest. His head came to rest on my shoulder, his arms wrapped around me tightly, afraid no doubt, that I'd disappear. I didn't doubt this fear because I was feeling the same way. My arms loosely draped around his waist, but my legs were clenched tightly to his own. "I missed you." He convinces, digging his head deeper into my shoulder.

"I missed you too, Rick." I smile as the nearly forgotten memory drifts back to me through the sterilized air vent.

"Shut up." He snorted and nudges my chin as a way of waving the memory away. "I haven't thought about that in forever. How did you?" He asked conversationally. I look down at the small shaft of light creeping in from under the door.

"It just came to me." I stated truthfully. I went to sit up but Dan pulled me back down.

"Maybe if we stay, we won't have to become fathers and we could just let the world go by." Dan whispered hopefully. This was it, this had to be it. This was going to be it: the last time he was going to drag his feet about becoming a real adult, role model, and caregiver. I was going to make it be the last time.

"Dan, if we stay here, we're still going to be Dan and Phil. But when we leave here, we're going to be Daddy and Papa. Don't you want that? Don't you want to impact someone's life like that? Our kids could be the next prime minister or Delia Smith or Ringo Star. Don't you want to help them become more? Help them become amazing and not on fire?" He chuckled but he understood.

We had been ordinary, a part of the crowd, nothing to see here no bodies. Then, I found YouTube, he found me, he made his own channel, we moved in together, we fell in love, we got good paying jobs, and we had become famous across the world all because of a cereal box and a sweepstakes. Those were already written chapters and now, out those doors, was a new chapter to be written: parenthood. He was quiet a moment then;

"Let's go make the ordinary extraordinary," He grabbed my hand "Together." We sat up and he went to grab his clothes but I wrapped my arms around his chest and whispered

"Thank you." He patted my hand

"You're welcome. And thanks for getting me to take a dose of reality." He smiled and kissed my hand.

"I only do it for your own good, Dan." I reminded him, as I grabbed my tie die boxers and slip them on.

"I'm aware." Dan noted then faced me half dressed. I had used his body for a canvas for random animal drawings so many times before, I now knew every indentation in his nearly flawless body. No matter what life now threw at us; he was mine, and I was his.

We finished getting dressed, faced the door, I grasped his hand, he kissed my cheek then we opened the door to our new chapter.

Here. We. Go.


	27. Chapter 27

I had been pushing forever. I had started in June of 2022 and it was now December of the year 5 billion; it had to be. PJ was gripping my hand tightly as I felt another wave of contractions befall me.

"Shouldn't they be less painful now?" I spat through gritted teeth.

"I would think." PJ offered quietly.

"Oh, what do you know?" I growled as I huffed hard before another wave crashed over me.

"I know that I love you and you love me and that when this is over Dan and Phil are going to be proud parents of two beautiful children." PJ mumbled softly in my ear which he kissed. He always seemed to know what to do and say to make me love him all over again.

"You're too much." I whisper tiredly when the waves are over for a brief period. I let him kiss my lips just as Dan and Phil walk in. "Where have you two been?" I demand, sitting up to look at them with an angry stare.

"We went to get coffee and catch up." Dan says smoothly just as Phil blurts in with

"We went to the bathroom!" I glared at them to see who is telling the truth.

"You two pulled Chandler and Monica, didn't you?" I question as an answer. They both look ashamed and nod. "I probably would have too, this is taking forever." I moan in tired anguish. "Nurse, can't I just go home? These two aren't coming out anytime soon and—"I puff my cheeks as a sharp pain kicks out in my abdomen. "Not agAGAHHHHH!" I yelled, trying to hold onto the spinning reality as an urge to just pass out comes over me. The nurse checks down under when it's finished. Dan and Phil approach the bed.

"PJ, you want to take a break? Your hand must be killing you." Phil offered seeing PJ's red hand still clasping mine.

"No, I'm fine, really." PJ shifts so Phil can't snake his way into my weak palm where PJ's now rested. Dan was on the other side of me and grabbed my hand from the bed's railing which I had been griping like a lifeline for the past twenty years.

"Dan, this is my dominate hand. Are you sure you want to grab it?" I warned him nervously.

"Please, I have been in pain before." Dan stated boldly, grasping my sweaty hand.

"You only have one more centimeter to go!" The nurse informed us amazed "You're our new recorder holder for the shortest labor in this hospital for a first timer." She seemed to think that that was supposed to make me feel better, honored even.

"And how long have I been here?" I asked, trying to keep the anger under control.

"About two hours." She stated as if this would make me see how impressive this feat was.

"Yippee." I grit in a monotone as another surge of pain rolled through me like an avalanche. After it was over, Dan yanked his hand away with tears in his eyes. "I tried to warn you." I muttered weakly as Dan shakes his hand to get the feeling back. I looked over at Phil who wasn't doing much of anything so I beaconed him forward. PJ still refused to let go of my hand when Phil comes to my side. "Is everything okay now?" I wondered gingerly, afraid of the answer but needing to know. Phil glanced at Dan whose hand had turned from purple color, loss of circulation red to a more normal shade of pain. A smile crept on Phil's face before turning to me.

"Everything's fine." He assured me. I let go of PJ's sweaty hand and grasped Phil's wrist.

"Promise me that you two will stay together. If not for me, then for them." I made a quick flash towards my swollen abdomen. Phil smiled again and grasped my hand with his own.

"I promise." Phil's eyes held a tiny universe of color and promise that anyone could get lost in. Dan was just the lucky one who got to wake up to them every day.

"Hey, why aren't you making me promise?" Dan asked a little hurt

"You're still on probation for leaving." I note without looking away from Phil.

"But I brought you to the hospital!" He yells aghast. I turned towards him and hold eye contact; his brown hurt versus my hazel glare.

"Do not argue with a woman in labor." I growled like a dog about to bite, enunciating every word sharply and clearly. I could have gone on with the stare down until what felt like I'd imagine the big ball on New Year's Eve felt as something slid down inside of me. "They're coming!" I yelled at the nurse who looked scared and new. She looked desperately around for someone, anyone, to check me out. No one was there but her so, she slinked toward me and looked down then gasped.

"There's a baby crowning!" She announced to the room then ran out to get a more qualified professional to push me to a delivery room. The three gown men surrounding me looked at each other, completely lost on what to do. I was going to shout orders at them but then the nurses came in and took me away before I could say 'goodbye.'

"Hello Jennifer," Nadia greeted as she was scrubbing up at a sink in the corner of the room. "You can only have two in here for the delivery. Normally it's one, but I made an acceptation."

"Get. Dan and. Phil." I grunted more animal like than human. She nodded, left, then return quickly with Dan and Phil in scrubs.

"This is so exciting!" Phil whispered to Dan over my head, grabbing my hand.

"Yeah, exciting." Dan noted, reluctantly grabbing my right hand again.

"Nadia! Let. Me. Push. NOW!" I screamed as I felt two things squirming into position.

"Okay, push!" She ordered the moment she was in place.

'Finally,' I thought 'the wait was over.'


	28. Chapter 28

It was dark.

Dark and warm.

Dark was good.

I liked the dark.

Dark, dark, dark, dark.

Then…

It was light.

Horrible, shocking light.

There was so much noise.

I didn't like it at all compared to my dark sanctuary.

I wanted to go back.

Dark was good, light was bad.

Suddenly, I heard something.

No, not something.

Someone.

A woman.

Above all else I heard a single woman screaming.

"Get. Out. Of. ME!" She demanded.

Who was she talking to?

Wait.

Could it be, was it, me?

Was I the one that was causing her so much pain?

I didn't want to hurt her anymore, even if it meant losing my dark, warm place.

So I called back.

"Okay, okay, I'm leaving, I'm out, see?"

She stopped screaming which was a relief.

Then someone a different, less important woman asked someone.

"Dan, would you like to cut the umbilical cord?" She seemed rushed and pressed for time.

"Sure." The one named Dan obeyed.

I knew something had happened but I didn't feel anything.

People applauded then I was taken away.

I was thoroughly confused but I didn't want to ask because the answer was one that others have feared for many lifetimes:

I am dead?


	29. Chapter 29

I was suddenly alone.

I had had someone with me in this dark place to protect me.

And now, they had just.

Vanished.

I wanted to scream, to cry out:

"Hey, where are you? Where do you go? Come back, it's dark and I'm afraid of the dark! Help!"

Back my lungs were full of liquid, as they had been.

But I hadn't noticed it until this exact moment.

The moment I was left alone.

Alone, lost, afraid; all, in the dark.

Then, light.

Just bright and beautiful and glorious as anything.

I needed the light.

I craved it.

I swam towards it then pushed through the small opening.

But something was wrapped around my neck.

Something cordlike.

Something that made it hard to breathe.

I wanted to cry out in the glorious light.

To sing to it in praise.

But the cord kept me from it.

Just as suddenly as the light had come, the cord fell away from my neck.

"Quick thinking, Phil." Someone breathed down in shock and admiration.

Phil.

Whoever Phil was, I now owed him my life.

But now, I could sing.

And so, I did.


	30. Chapter 30

At last. It was a soft, soundless atmosphere. We were watching our two babies, a boy and a girl, snoozing in their matching blue and pink baby onesies every hospital gives to any and every newborn. I stared down in awe as the boy wriggled in her blanket wrapped uniform with her face scrunched up while the girl yawned serenely.

"They're ours." Phil whispered. I looked at him to see if he was talking to me but he wasn't; he looking at our babies with a mix of fear and awe that was tearing up his very proud, colorful eyes. I smiled and wrapped a hand around his waist before pulling him close.

"We're Dads." I whispered back, hugging him with the one arm. He rested his head on my shoulder. But then shifted and faced me. I tore my gaze away from our children to see what he wanted.

"I'm Papa" He pointed to his chest with one shaky finger "and you're Daddy," He touched my chest with the same, unsteady finger. "Sir and don't you forget it." He enunciated every with a prod to the chest. I grinned but dared not to laugh (I was still on probation).

"Whatever you say, Papa." I shook my head before I kissed the love of my life. Why I had ever left? Even I would never know. What had I been afraid of? Fatherhood? Spending the rest of my life with the man I loved? Going to football matches, ballet practices and PTA meetings? Why wouldn't I want that?

"Have you two thought of any names?" Nadia asked, placing a hand on my shoulder to announce her presence. I looked to Phil for help. Had he already come up with names while I was gone? Was it too late to add input? Was my son's name going to be Striker? Was my daughter's Susan 3? He smiled to Nadia.

"We're going to decide right now." He stated pulling out his phone and going straight to the notes app.

"I get a say?" I questioned when Nadia left to check on Jennifer.

"Yeah, Dan, just because you left doesn't mean you don't get a say." Phil announced, scrolling until he found the right note. "Okay," He pointed to the boy "Cornelius Winston Howlter." He looked to me for approval.

"Love it." I stated, egged him on to go on. Then he pointed to the girl

"Annabelle Periwinkle."

"Periwinkle?" I gave him my 'are you serious, Phil' look that had use to send fan girls in a titter.

"I thought it was pretty." He shot his hands up into a defensive, 'come on, it's good' gesture that matched my look perfectly.

"Phil, honey, I'm not having my daughter named after a colour. Not even her middle name. Do you have anything else?" He gave me an anger 'I'll fill your bed with bees' look before scrolling again.

"Belle Anne, Sara Belle, Michelle Susan, Susan Anne Michelle…" The list went on and on but it was just a mix of the same four names.

"I'm sensing a theme." I said once he finally finished. "But I feel that Cornelius couldn't have any other name; it just fits." I gesture to our sleeping boy then back to our unnamed girl. "None of those names seem to fit her."

"You're right." Phil agreed and slipped his locked phone into his pocket. We are quiet for a long while before PJ decided to join us.

"How's Jennifer?" was the first thing out of Phil's mouth while the first thing out of mine's was

"We have a problem." PJ looked taken aback then answered both comments gracefully.

"Jennifer's fine, she's just resting now. Now what seems to be the problem, my gents?" No wonder he had a job as a director but business had been slow over the last few months plus with Jennifer, he had needed a break.

"We've named our son." Phil began.

"Meet Cornelius Winston." I butted in. PJ nodded to the little blue wrapped figure in the plastic bed.

"Nice to meet you, Cornelius." PJ greeted before Phil continued.

"And now we can't name our girl!" He seems stressed and frustrated. "I mean, it came so easy to name him. But I'm not good with girl names!"

"You know who might be good with girl names?" PJ asked causing Phil to pause. "A girl."

"Jennifer?" PJ asked softly next to Jennifer's bed before placing a hand to her shoulder. "Jennifer." He prompted again even more softly as she began to stir.

"What?" She snared, upset to be awoken yet again. Apparently, nurses have to wake you up every half an hour or so to check up on you and to make sure you're okay after you give birth.

"Dan and Phil have named their boy Cornelius Winston, but they're having trouble picking out a name for their little girl since they have no idea what good girl names sound like."

"Hey!" I interrupted, offended and slightly hurt.

"Honey, it's true." Phil reminded me.

"Well, you don't have to be so crass about it…" I mumbled.

"Anyways, since you're a girl; do you have any ideas?" PJ humbly requested of Jennifer.

"Well, I do have two sets of names but you're not allowed to use them in the same order I say them because I've had these names picked out for years, damn it." She was beyond tried but she still had that fire that I secretly hoped and feared that our children would be blessed with.

"Fine." Phil said. "What are they?" he asked desperately.

"Lilly Michelle and Veronica Jade." Jennifer stated with the utmost pride and honor I had ever heard from her.

"Wow, you know you're stuff." I thought aloud in awe as she shifted then was asleep again without knowing that she had just given us the tools to our little girl's name.

"Have you decided a name for your girl then?" Nadia asked, scribbling Cornelius's name on a sheet of official paper that he would need for the rest of his life.

"Yes we do." Phil smiled as he handed her over to me. I was so terrified of breaking her that I was shaking but with his arms let go and all that barely-even-there weight was entirely under my support; I knew she was going to be Daddy Dan's little princess forever. "Her name is…"

"Susan Annabelle." I finished for Phil before I could stop myself. Phil scowled at me as Nadia wrote on her official document, but I ignored Phil and continued to stare at my tiny baby girl.

"Cornelius Winston and Susan Annabelle." Nadia stated when she was done; by now, Phil had picked up Cornelius and we were rocking our babies in sync. "Unusual names, but I'd say they fit this unusual family perfectly." I looked up to smile at Nadia just as PJ rolled Jennifer into the room in a wheelchair.

"I guess you're right." I muttered to myself as we introduced our little family to their mother and accepted uncle.

"And that kids, is the story of how you two came to be." I announced to Cornelius and Susan at their birthday/graduation party, eighteen years later. "Yes, there were many ups and downs." The guests laughed and awed at the baby pictures playing on the screen behind me as I spoke but I was only looking at the small family in front of me.

My husband, Phil, smiling and shaking his head at the memories. Even though eighteen years have flown by, he still looks as beautiful as he had on that day eighteen years ago in the morning light as the sun crept into the hospital room to greet our newborns for the first time.

My beautiful daughter, Susan, is blushing and pushes back a long piece of black, wavy hair while avoiding eye contact with her bright, hazel, brown, blue, yellow, green eyes for if she does look at me, she knows she'll burst into tears and ruin the makeup she worked so hard to craft on her face. I know she will win many awards as a great makeup artist for Broadway musicals and plays.

My handsome son, Cornelius, is trying not to cry as he sniffs loudly with his beak-like nose. He wipes his nose on the sleeve of his so dark of a blue that it's nearly black tux, but the black bow tie proves to onlookers that it is indeed, blue. His straight, black hair gets in his blue eyes but he shakes the strands away, he looks up with those same striking eyes and mouths 'Thanks Dad.' He isn't usually the emotional type. I pray that his football team doesn't see him, or they'll never let him live it down in college. But he'd kick their asses every time they'd bring it up.

The twins' mother, Jennifer, is holding hands with her husband, PJ. She is in a rose dress that suits her while PJ is in a black tux with a matching ascot. Although, he'd look better with an eye matching coloured ascot. But he had refused to not match his wife on such an important day. She rests her head on his shoulder, as she recalls the fatigue she experienced so long ago. PJ, just kissed her hand as he had on the first morning for the twins, and as he had on their wedding day not too long after the twins' first day. Besides them are their thirteen year old, twin girls.

Lilly Michelle, who has half her head shaved while the other half is a curly, brown shoulder length hair that most girls would envy. Her eyes are PJ's shocking sea green that stand out thanks to the mint flowy, dress that Susan has lent to her for the occasion. But she still wears her iconic leather jacket, just to prove she's not too girly. She wants to move in with Susan the first chance she gets. But for now, schooling at an all-girls boarding school is the only thing her parents are allowing her to do.

Veronica Jade's straight as a bone, auburn hair has been braided and decorated with small, white rose buds that match her white, trendy dress. The white makes her brown eyes really pop for unknown, magical purposes. She'd make an excellent director just like her father, or a writer, also like her father.

And the youngest of our nutty family, Jack Kline, age ten, is fumbling with his dark green bow tie which matches his eyes. His brown hair was recently buzzed cut by his sister Lilly once he saw what she was doing, he had wanted in on the action. It's still hard to tell what Jack wants to do or be. But he still has time to figure it all out.

And I, Dan, stand before them, sometimes I was the glue keeping the family together, and sometimes I was the tear keeping everyone apart, but we all got through it one way or another until this day. This day, the last day that the twins are under our united control. Tomorrow, they'd be free to do as they pleased. But they'd most likely roam the house, unsure what to do and end up being on the internet all day long. Like father, like son I suppose. I shake my head as I realize I've been standing for the last five minutes not saying anything until Phil clears his throat, recalling me back to reality.

"What? Oh yes," Then I raised my glass "To Cornelius and Susan, and the bright future that stretches out before you. We all know you will pick the path that fits you best. To the future!" I call out to the crowd that is seated before me.

"To the future." They reply back and we all take a swig of our choice of beverages in our glasses. As I lower my glass, I see Cornelius hasn't drank but has in fact, remained motionless with his glass still aloft and a blank stare that hits the floor but looks farther than that. It is not a look but a feeling. A feeling that I have come to know, recognize, and sometimes, welcome: the extensional crisis. It is his first, judging by the absolute dread in his eyes. I sigh as I sit down next to him. "Here we go."


End file.
